James Jones is Now Officially an Oakland Raider

"Now that my name is on the dotted line, does anyone have a ball I can drop?"

“Now that my name is on the dotted line, does anyone have a ball I can drop?”

Sure, Oakland signed James Jones in the off-season, but he didn’t officially become a Raider until he fumbled the ball twice in one play in Sunday afternoon’s blowout loss to the Texans. Playing worse for the Raiders than you did for your previous team is tradition, baby. Sorry for the video quality, but I think you’ll enjoy it anyway.

Leave a comment

Filed under Articles, Ramblings

It’s Time to Talk About Adrian Peterson

"Seeya sponsors!"

“Seeya sponsors!”

I like this website the most when we’re talking about wide receivers we’d like to kick in the dick, or celebrating our status as the internet’s official Manning Face headquarters.

Lately however, being whimsical in this space has been a bit harder. The NFL, and the players that comprise it, have pummeled the news cycle with one disgusting story after another. The latest horror show I haven’t had the chance to comment on, mostly because the timing of its release falling on the weekend, but partly because it just made me feel tired…and sick. But the more and more we learn about all of this, the less and less I am able to keep my thoughts to myself.

Yes, it’s time to talk about Adrian Peterson. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Articles, Ramblings

Monday Morning Jerkface: Week Two

"I threw at you four times, man. I'M FUCKING CRAZY!"

“I threw at you four times, man. I’M FUCKING CRAZY!”

“I’m open,” you quietly whisper, watching them in the distance.

Two friends are playing catch. Tossing around the ol’ pigskin. Oh, the fun they are having. They laugh and carry on about inside jokes you wish you were a part of. You have jokes too. So many jokes. Like the one about the two people with different professions that walk into a bar. It’s hilarious.

“I’m open,” you repeat, a little louder this time.

You are walking towards them. They haven’t noticed you yet, but soon they will have no choice but to recognize your existence.

“I’M OPEN!” you finally scream, holding your hands out, begging for the ball…and maybe, just maybe, for their love.

You are lumbering at them now, your face a bright red mask of insanity. They turn and run. But why? Are they intimidated by your route running ability? Yes, that must be it. You stop, momentarily out of breath. You didn’t make any new friends today. Best go inside and read the internet. Get caught up on week two of the NFL. Best forget that this ever happened.

This is Monday Morning Jerkface. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Articles, MMJ

Fuck It, It’s Friday: Here’s Some Pictures of People Wearing Other Offensive Jerseys

Some guys will go to such lengths to not wear a Joe Flacco jersey

Some guys will go to such lengths to not wear a Joe Flacco jersey

Look at those Ravens fans, flocking to the stadium in their Ray Rice jerseys. It was expected, of course, because as much as we try, some people just love to do things for shock value. And if that’s your thing, cool, I guess. I might find you to be scum of the earth, but that’s probably the reaction you want, so rock on.

Seeing those Rice jerseys at the game last night brought to mind some of the most offensive jerseys I’ve seen. If you’re a battered woman, a dog that’s been electrocuted, or really anyone who is decent, this list probably won’t make you happy. Sorry!

carruthlg

How do you honor a guy who conspired to commit his pregnant girlfriend, promise not to flee the state if the baby died, then tried to anyway? Obviously by wearing his jersey while you yell at the clerk for forgetting the extra peppers on your nachos!

the-guy-in-the-rae-carruth-jersey-went-on-a-beer-run-0-95654

Double whammy!

What do you get when you cross a wife-stabber and a dog-killer? I don’t know how to end this joke, but it’s horrifying!

1373141627000-AP-Patriots-Hernandez-Jerseys-Football-1307061614_4_3

Obviously this guy was trading in the jersey, but did you really have to wear it there, dude? Bonus article: Aaron Hernandez jerseys are collector’s items. I love our country!

Brace yourself, because these jerseys are about to get worse…

DSCN9593

This guy also wishes he could go back to college

God, I can’t even take it.

Gag

Gag

It’s so offensive.

tebow-jets-435em041012

OKAY OKAY I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE. FUCK IT, IT’S FRIDAY, AND I’M GOING TO THROW UP NOW

Leave a comment

Filed under Articles, Fuck It, It's Friday, Lists!

Things Could be Worse: At Least You’re Not Ryan Leaf!

If Peyton Manning was passed up on for the #1 pick that year, this would have happened to him for sure

If Peyton Manning was passed up on for the #1 pick that year, this would have happened to him for sure

Week 1 of the NFL schedule saw a lot teams, players, coaches, and executives triumph in the face of adversity! Whoo!

Unfortunately, it also saw an equal amount of them fail miserably. They let down their friends, family, fantasy owners, fans, but most of all themselves. But we here at The Footbawl Blog have an inspirational message for those that failed. Things could always be worse. They could always be so much worse.

You could be Ryan Leaf. Continue reading

Leave a comment

Filed under Articles, Lists!, Ramblings