Cam Newton Really Wants to Get Injured Next Season

Thanks, Cam. I was finding it hard to dislike you last year even though I didn’t like you in college. Thanks for giving me a reason.

Things I hate about this video:

• 40 seconds of nicknames
• vlog style Cam Newton uncomfortably talking to camera
• William Shatner-esque breaks in sentence
• There is no Madden 2012 for Sega
• He said laratory instead of laboratory.
• THIS IS SEVEN FUCKING MINUTES LONG.

Things I like about this video:

• The phrase “these thumbs are official” is so dumb that it can be printed, framed, and hung up on a wall under the title “stupidest phrases of all time.”
• A clip of him completely discounting the Madden curse will inevitably be juxtaposed by clips of him throwing 47 interceptions, and that will be funny.
• One of the comments on the youtube video, completely out of context, reads, “I literally had sex like a half hour ago. Cam Newton is lame.”

Enjoy your weekend, everyone!