The Phrase “So Good You’ll Slap Your Mom” Has New, Morbid Face

At least he catches shit better than Roy Williams catches footballs.

Jeff Ireland is probably happy he called Dez Bryant’s mother a whore.

Now Dez is Jerry Jones’ problem, not his.

There has been ample coverage on Bryant’s arrest, how it is reprehensible and terrible and is a black eye on Bryant, the Cowboys, and the entire National Football League. And yes, that is all true. But I think what sticks out to me in this situation is how the football world at large saw this coming. Maybe not the horrid specifics – who uses a hat to hurt someone? Who is he, Odd Job? – but there were ample questions about Bryant’s character coming into the NFL draft 2 years ago. The infamous Ireland interview comes to mind, but people were also questioning his character because he lied about a relationship with Deion Sanders.

The point is, Bryant was a Top 15 talent who slipped to the end of the first round because of character concerns. And as what usually happens, the character concerns were well founded. Bryant may end up facing jail time, but even if not, Goodell is going to come calling. And if Goodell gets angry at someone for allegedly hurting professional football players, imagine what he’ll think about someone hitting his own mother! (Goodell will probably not care, because Goodell never had a mother. He was created in an evil government experiment.)

It makes you wonder if GMs and owners are learning their lesson. A player like Vontaze Burfict, who had character concerns but potential top round talent, fell out of the draft altogether. Now he is a member of the Cincinnati Bengals, one of the historically renowned franchises of bad-character guys. So what it’s really showing you is that some teams are learning their lesson, but not the Cowboys or Bengals. But that’s okay, because doing cocaine and beating your mom is just how they do it on AMERICA’S TEAM!

Hopefully this is a lesson to other teams. If there are questions about a player’s character coming into the draft, they’re probably warranted. Better not to gamble on talent and have it be your team hat that he’s using to beat his mom.