Hard Knocks Episode 1: My Thoughts

“Now let’s eat a goddamn bar of soap!”

When I heard the announcement that the new season of Hard Knocks was going to center around the Miami Dolphins training camp I had my reservations. On the surface it didn’t seem like a very exciting pick, but when you throw in a new coach, Chad Johnson, and a three-way QB controversy the show started to gain some appeal for me. In addition to all those factors, HBO’s original programming is about as can’t miss as television gets. Okay so maybe not Luck, Hung, or Big Love but no one is perfect. And if this post inspires nothing else, feel free to flame me about how much you like one of those three shows in the comments section.

On Tuesday night the new season began, and I had a few observations.

I really like Joe Philbin

This shouldn’t come as a surprise to some of you who know that I am a diehard Packer fan, but honestly when he was with Green Bay I really never heard much of anything from him. Mike McCarthy called the plays and he was mostly in the background. His talk with Chad Johnson about F-bombs was interesting because normally that would have gotten on my nerves (I’m a sucker for f-bombs) but he did it in a way that I thought was very reasonable. He established that things were going to be done his way, but with a subtle undercurrent of “I’m not a dick, this is just the way the world works” that I think will play well with a guy like Johnson…at least for a while. At the end of the show his handling of the QB situation seems genuine and straight forward. I can’t properly explain what it is I like about him so much, but when I watch him interact with the players it just feels like he is the kind of guy they will respond to. Plus, can’t go wrong by walking out of the room with a Seinfeld reference!

Speaking of the starting QB situation…

HBO kind of dropped the ball in one respect. Throughout the entire first episode you see the coaches praising Moore’s leadership and grasp of the offense, while being enamored with Tannehill’s raw skills. All the narrator really tells us about Garrard is that he comes into camp rusty. So at the end of the show they Joe announces that Garrard is the starter on the depth chart, it doesn’t make much sense. I’m sure Garrard played well enough in practice to be the starter for the first pre-season game, and I don’t need the entire show to be for hardcore football fans, but if you are going to make the QB controversy one of your main storylines at least give us some insight into why the decision is being made. Wow that sure was nitpicky. I’m bloggin’ the hell out of this thing.

Cheerleaders have boobs!

I’m not complaining, but that montage of the cheerleaders working out in slow motion seemed really out of place. Oh well.

Chad Johnson is trying too hard

While initially the thought of Chad Johnson being on this show made me more excited, I’m not sure if I like him in such large doses. You ever catch someone making the same joke more than once, and trying to act like its spontaneous? That’s how I feel watching this guy…all the time. Although the best one liner of the episode went to Matt Moore talking about Johnson: “I asked him what he was doing on his day off and he said, ‘I don’t know, but I bet I’ll be open’”.

Vontae Davis is going to get yelled at a lot

This show sure has a way of capturing some candid moments. Former first round draft pick Vontae Davis is heckled by the coaches for his tiny bladder, and basically told that if he doesn’t stop dogging it in practice he might not be sticking around. When he confides in a teammate that he has become an actor of sorts to hide the fact that he is tired all the time during practice and basically out of shape, it is the kind of moment that makes this show great for fans and awful for a few select players. Who can forget Antonio Cromartie trying to remember the names of all of his kids? Hopefully his kids.

The Dolphins logo really isn’t menacing

It doesn’t really look mean in a “I’m going to beat you at this athletic competiton” kind of a way, but more of a “I’m old and you know how I get when I don’t get a nap in” way. SO HOW ABOUT THIS!

What the shit, google image search.

What were your thoughts on the first episode? Let us know in the comments section.