Read this, and then tell me if The Onion took over ESPN for a day.
Clearly, the best part of this article is Martellus Bennett’s take on the beds.
“We are big humans,” Bennett said. “Every bed is small. You can’t put a damn dinosaur in a twin-sized bed … all the beds, unless you got a California king, the beds are going to be small to these guys. If a normal-sized human jumps into a regular-sized bed, it fits perfectly. A large big human jumps into a regular-sized bed, the bed is too small.”
In between all of that technical, rocket science-type stuff, I’m having a hard time contemplating which New York Giants player most resembles a dinosaur. Tom Coughlin is the closest, but he has scales so it’s unfair.
Bottom line is this story is funny. Not in an Onion “over-the-top-satire-in-a-way-that-makes-you-think” way. More like a “people-might-actually-think-this-is-true” way. Hopefully by the time the games actually count, they will be in their normal beds so when they lose, they can’t use it as an excuse.
Coming up this week, Joe is going to recap the first Hard Knocks episode after Chad Johnson was killed off!