At this point, you have to think HBO is kicking themselves. Instead of going with the Dolphins, they could have tried to shadow the Seattle Seahawks during training camp. Not only do they also have a quarterback controversy, but they haven’t cut their egotistical big name washed up wide receivers yet! Plus, Pete Carroll seems delightfully insane. Anyway, let’s ignore the hypotheticals and take a look at episode three.
Speaking of Chad Johnson…
As the episode begins we are dealing with the fallout from Chad’s release. Coach Philbin isn’t stoked that some players have been talking to the media and voicing their displeasure with the move, and the atmosphere has shifted slightly. But all of that aside, what are they going to do at the wide receiver position? They don’t have a legitimate #1 receiver, or a #2 for that matter. Plus for a lot of people, Chad was the only interesting part of this show. Well I think I have a solution that will take care of both! Get Disney on the horn!
For all the shit that people have given him over the years, Reggie Bush seems committed to being a team player as well as a team leader. Through the first three episodes there have been several moments of him encouraging teammates far lower on the depth chart than himself, and with a few other veterans in tow he approaches Philbin to form a leadership council of sorts. We’re still chuckling to ourselves about his desire to lead the league in rushing, but don’t let our negativity get you down Reggie!
HBO trying to get Jim Turner to change last name to “Ryan”
After being spoiled by Rex Ryan’s entertaining quotes and foul mouth, HBO made it a point to feature offensive line coach Jim Turner last week. He is by far the most edgy of the coaching staff, and was frequently seen yelling at his players. It wasn’t a profanity laced tirade, but it was as close as it was going to get. But then it was almost as if Joe Philbin (aka Droopy Dog) got a hold of some of that tape however, and the Jim Turner that appeared on episode 3 seemed tame by comparison.
Sweet back-up offensive lineman storyline, bro
In theory, the portrait of Eric Steinbach coming to grips with the fact that his body is not performing at the level it once was could be interesting. But he is a back-up offensive lineman, and let’s face it: this is just filler that could have been spent watching Chad Johnson swear a bunch.
The quarterback situation
For me, this was the best part of the episode and the kind of thing that sets Hard Knocks aside from other shows of its ilk. You have the QB coach Zac Taylor trying to make small talk with Matt Moore when the signal caller finally cuts him off with, “Is Ryan starting?” The look on Moore’s face is so classic because you know that he knows that Taylor knows (did you follow that?) but is just avoiding the topic. If your doctor had the results of an important medical test and he wanted to talk to you about the weather, you’d probably lose patience too.
What follows is a Zac, and coach Philbin, sitting down with each quarterback to discuss their final decision in the QB competition. Ryan Tannehill is named the starter and Moore takes it as well as he could.
Things I didn’t want to give their own paragraph
-John Jerry threw up. It was gross!
-The best nickname on the show so far is definitely , “The Big Weirdo,” which was given to first year RT Jonathan Martin.
Quotes of the week
“Listen to me, when your teammate catches a ball, when Lamar (Miller) breaks that, go block for him, you understand? Don’t loaf on the field walking, watching him run. Go block for him, OK? You drop a ball, fine … go FUCKING BLOCK FOR HIM PLEASE!” – Tight Ends coach Dan Campbell, chewing out coaching staff whipping boy Michael Agnew
“That was like giving birth.” – Offensive Coordinator Mike Sherman, at the conclusion of the team’s fifteen play drive against the Panthers.
Next week Joseph and I are going to try to watch this at the same time and snark it out together!
What did you think about episode three? Let us know in the comments section!