Monday Morning Jerkface: Week Five

As you start getting into this part of the season, some of those things that you wrote off as “oh c’mon, it’s just a few games” start to slowly become trends. Fans of the Vikings’ division rivals are no longer amused, they are concerned. Matt Ryan isn’t just starting out hot, he may have actually figured something out.

We start to think of teams for what they are doing this year, instead of their reputation from last season. The two editors of this site are having a particularly rough time with that concept, but it’s a long season. A long booze drenched season filled with pain, dread, misery, and…okay I’ll stop whining now. Let’s jerk it up.

Not pictured: Reggie Wayne in the middle of triple coverage, about to catch this ball

And now for a completely unnecessary Luck vs. RGIII debate…

Note: We’re still the only site not doing Luck puns, and we’re proud of that!

The games on Sunday took a step to vindicate sane people everywhere in the RGIII vs. Luck debate. While Griffin has impressed during the first quarter of the season, he has been taking way too many hits. His style of play, combined with his build, is not sustainable. If he doesn’t correct something his career could very well mirror Michael Vick’s. Minus all of the brutal dog murders, of course. The quarterback sustained what the Redskins are calling a “mild concussion” in the third quarter, on a play where he really had no business fighting for an extra yard. At some point you have to understand how important you are to your team.

Luck took some hits on Sunday, but late in the game his elusiveness saved his body and the game for the Colts as he marched at will on a Packers defense that thoroughly confused him in the first half. This could be an overreaction, but it really looked like something clicked for Andrew during the game yesterday. He made some rookie mistakes, but he also made a lot of confident throws in tight windows. I was particularly impressed that the coaching staff let him try to run a two minute drill late in the first half when they were pinned inside their own 20. As Brian Billick stated, that kind of experience is invaluable.

I’m going to put this as bluntly as I can: the Packers stink

Perhaps the only good news for Packer fans is that this season has some eerie similarities to the 2010-11 season where they were eventually crowned Super Bowl champions. They are blowing leads, not covering anyone, losing key players on both sides of the ball, and trying to get Aaron Rodgers killed.

Sunday’s game against the Colts will go down as Andrew Luck’s coming out party, but it had a different feel for those who actually watched the entire game. Going into the game on Sunday Aaron Rodgers had thrown the ball ten yards down the field or longer 25.6% of the time, which was fifth lowest in the league. Rodgers looked spooked by the pass rush, and even when he had time to throw the reigning MVP took check downs immediately. When he did take a shot down the field he overthrew everyone. The offense is basically unrecognizable from a year ago, except the complete lack of commitment to the run. That part I remember well!

Combine this with the defense losing the memo that Reggie Wayne is the only weapon they have, half a dozen dropped interceptions, several missed sacks, Mike McCarthy’s inability to understand how time works, a place kicker going 0 for 2, and you have a pretty good recipe for losing a 21-3 halftime lead.

Next up, the Texans! I’m stocking the liquor cabinet as you read this.

“I would like to be a 49er! Come back!”

When your team name is a rough estimate of how many points you will win by…

The Buffalo Bills kicked a field goal with 5:44 left in the second quarter, and they probably felt pleased with themselves. They had just tied the game at three on the road against one of the best teams in football. Then the 49ers said, “Oh that’s right, you’re from the AFC East. Did the Jets tell you how we roll?”

What followed next was what one Bills’ fan I know described as, “one of those horror movies where some crazy doctor dissects people.”

San Fran outgained Buffalo 621 to 204. THAT WAS NOT A TYPO. Alex Smith threw for over 300 yards, and they rushed for another three bills. Fitzpatrick was throwing the entire game and somehow only amassed 126 yards.

Last season it became a trendy thing to say that if your offense was good enough, you could still be a Super Bowl contender without a good or even mediocre defense. After all, the Packers, Saints, and Patriots had great regular season records playing some of the worst defense…well, in history. But this season the best two teams in football, the Texans and 49ers, are playing the kind of defense that I think could neutralize all three of the record setting offenses I just mentioned. It’s the kind of shit that intolerable old school football analysts live for!

Random Jerkyness

-Hey the Saints won a game! Am I the only one that really wishes that Sean Payton would have gotten really hammered and waved around a big “Saints #1” foam finger in the crowd? Or maybe had one of those cheesy acronym signs: No Fair League.

-During the Ravens 9-6 victory over the Chiefs, or as I’d like to call it “the worst fucking thing on TV”, a handful of fans were heard cheering when KC’s quarterback Matt Cassel was injured. There is, as you might imagine, a ton of dramatic outrage over this. When are people going to understand that some fans just suck, and move on? Cheering for people to be injured is not classy, but to be honest I just don’t care.

-One of the best parts of week five almost being over, is this is probably the last time this year that we’ll have to relive EVERY SINGLE GAME OF THE MANNING VS. BRADY RIVALRY THIRTY TIMES.

-The Eagles have overcome a lot of turnovers (most of them by Michael Vick) this season to win three close games by a combined margin of 4 points. But if you keep walking that tight rope, eventually those games are going to start going the other way as we saw on Sunday against the Steelers. They may be tied for first with the Giants, but it doesn’t feel like it.

Enjoy Rex Ryan swearing repeatedly tonight, everyone!