The current season has not reached its conclusion yet, but seeing as I’m a pessimist at heart I’ve already started thinking about the 2013 storylines that make me want to drink. I have listed five of them here, presented in no particular order.
1. Jacksonville QB controversy
All signs are pointing to Tim Tebow ending up in a Jaguar uniform next season. The owner loves him, and selling tickets is going to end up being a bigger priority than winning games because…well, have you seen that roster? So expect the ESPN circus to roll into town and provide some absolutely unbearable coverage of training camp. Ed Werder is going to be coming at you live from Tebow’s lawn, Chad Henne and Blaine Gabbert are going to get more exposure than they will the rest of their careers combined, and head coach Mike Mularkey’s suicide will most likely be broadcasted live on the 10 AM Sportscenter.
2. Big Ben vs. Todd Haley
Before the 2012 campaign even got started, Roethlisberger was critical of the front office’s decision to bring in former Chiefs hothead blowhard coach Todd Haley as offensive coordinator. I agreed with Ben in the sense that their offense seemed to be doing just fine with Arians, and Haley appeared less than stable in KC. But as the season wore on it was Roethlisberger who had a problem being professional, calling out Haley’s playcalling decisions on multiple occasions. Even if these two don’t have a war of words in 2013, expect the media to fan the flames every time they don’t hug during the game.
3. Will Michael Vick/Mark Sanchez improve?
These two were talked about more than Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning this season, because we really can’t get enough of quarterbacks in big markets sucking balls apparently. I expect Vick to find a starting job, not because a team will believe in him, but instead because there just aren’t that many great QBs in the NFL. I think his goal is to win comeback player of the year three more times before he retires. Sanchez, on the other hand, will most likely stay in New York because of his guaranteed money, and get beaten up by the media for the foreseeable future. At what point do people just run out of creative ways of saying, “Mark Sanchez is not good at football”? Expect that question to be put to the test in 2013!
4. Anything involving the New York Giants
“We aren’t getting enough respect! Yes, I know we lose every other game by 20!”
“That other team commits holding penalties and the refs didn’t call all of them! We’ve never seen that before.”
“Is Eli Elite? IS HE?!?”
“Sean Payton is talking to his players! We don’t have any proof, we just CAN’T SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
5. Broncos vs. Colts
These two teams will play each other in 2013, which will prompt every major network to act as if a quarterback has never faced his former team in the history of the universe. What will make the coverage even more uninteresting is the fact that unlike players like Brett Favre and his return to Green Bay, Peyton Manning and Andrew Luck don’t have a controversial bone in their bodies. That won’t stop networks like ESPN from trying their hardest to find any sign of tension. I personally can’t wait to hear both QBs say stuff like, “It’s just another week”. Sounds awesome! The closest thing Manning has ever done to taking a cheap shot in the media is implying that he was healthier than the Colts were letting on during the offseason last year.
What storylines are you already tired of? Let us know in the comments section!