Monday Morning Jerkface: Conference Championship Edition

I’m not watching the NFL network until March.

Harbowl! Superbaugh!

Sure, you may think its cute now, but after a week and a half of that shit you run the risk of just randomly breaking a bottle over the edge of a table and stabbing someone in the throat. Two weeks is way too long to hype any one game as it is, but this year it’s going to be excruciating in a way that you never thought possible. Let’s talk about the games that got us to this point.

The Atlantonio Spalcons

Probably my weirdest MMJ headline to date, but allow me to explain.

The last two NBA seasons, the San Antonio Spurs have had the best record in their conference only to eventually stumble in the playoffs. It has gotten to the point that they have become almost invisible in the regular season standings, as no one is ready to take them seriously until they at least make the NBA finals again. It seems they now have an NFL team to commiserate with. If Falcon fans were annoyed at the lack of respect their team got this season, then next year might be a nightmare. Atlanta could win their first five games by a combined score of 477-3 and they will still end up a home underdog in the playoffs again. From the outside it will seem like they have everything to lose and nothing to gain during the regular season, and if that perspective finds its way into the locker room it could prove detrimental to the team.

Once again next year I will resist jumping on the “Falcons can’t go to the Super Bowl with this core group because they haven’t done it before” narrative because it’s a tired and unimaginative one. They didn’t lose yesterday because Matt Ryan isn’t a clutch quarterback or their team has a magic hex on them that stops them from playing well in big games, they lost because on this particular day they played like garbage in the second half and the 49ers played like the superior team that they are.

Naturally as a Saints fan Nate’s appraisal of the situation is going to be far less forgiving and far more hilarious. Look for that later in the week!

Ass cracks and awkward hugs for everyone!

As the time expired in Foxboro, the viewing audience was treated to an extended shot of Ray Lewis’ butt crack by some kind of perverted rogue camera man. It was an awkward moment that seemed right in line with the rest of the media’s coverage of the Lewis farewell playoff tour in the sense that it felt forced, and I felt uncomfortable.

By that point, New England fans had a lot more pressing complaints however. Where was the most high powered offense in football? How had a key drop by the normally sure handed Wes Welker once again change a game and perhaps ultimately doom their season? How did the ridiculous “is Joe Flacco elite?” question somehow get settled on their watch?

Of course, none of these questions matter. New England is done and Baltimore is Super Bowl bound. It was a statement victory, and an extremely impressive one at that.

With the Lewis storyline dominating the post season coverage of the Ravens, this team is starting to feel like the Giants of last year or the Packers of the year prior. It’s going to get to the point where NFL commentators are going to suggest that teams start trying to end up with a 3, 4, 5, or 6 seed because first round byes haven’t worked out lately. And of course at that point I’ll freak the fuck out on this blog, but we’ll just cross that bridge when we come to it.

Random Jerkyness

-I suppose it’s time to apologize to the Flacco apologists. No matter how he plays in the Super Bowl, his postseason run has been impressive and has made a believer out of me…at least for the time being.

-You know why I like twitter? Because sometimes Texans linebacker Connor Barwin signs on and says something like, “Ray Lewis is going to make Tim Tebow look like an atheist the next two weeks”.

-Or this tweet by KSK writer Drew Magary which perfectly summarized why I hate Phil Simms.

-There probably should have been a pass interference call on the Falcons fourth down attempt at the end of the game, but as a referee…would you have wanted to make that call?

-As my friend Mike pointed out yesterday, perhaps the best possible way for this season to end is with Randy Moss winning Super Bowl MVP and then fake mooning Roger Goodell. I would quit my job and just watch that youtube clip full time.

-Speaking of quarterbacks I was wrong about, how about Colin Kaepernick? There were many people, myself included, that thought benching Alex Smith was “arrogant”. Well here are some other words I’d use to describe the move today: ballsy, brave, genius. Alex Smith might have won one of their two playoff games, but I doubt he would have won both of them.

-While I watched almost all of both games, I did catch a few minutes of each on the radio while I was in the car and both times the announcers felt the need to point out that one team was going from “right to left” on the field. I’m having a hard time trying to think of any piece of information that is of less use to me. Maybe a detailed breakdown of how high everyone is wearing their socks?

-Not had enough of the Jim Harbaugh freakout yet? You’re in luck.

Make sure you come back this week for all of our Pro Bowl coverage! Or not.