“Aloha, bitches”
As a child, I remember the first time my Dad explained the concept of the Pro Bowl to me.
“They have all the best players on every team playing against each other.”
Holy crap that sounds great right! Yeah, not so much. The NFL, more so than any of the other major sports, has had image problems with their all-star game lately. The last few years it has devolved into an embarrassing game of two hand touch, and Roger Goodell is on the verge of suspending the game or ending it altogether. But hey, it’s still football so I’m still curious about how it is going to play out because I’m ridiculous.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that there aren’t a lot of crazy Pro Bowl parties going on today, so the following exercise isn’t really a festive one. It’s kind of a sad, lonely, pathetic drinking game. So grab your beverage of choice and hunker down…let’s do this!
Take one drink when…
-One of the players that were originally voted into the Pro Bowl enters the game.
-There is a hilarious mic’d up segment with football players joking around! Oh, jokes.
-The name “Harbaugh” is mentioned.
-There is a first down. I’m trying to murder you.
-Eli Manning makes a stupid face.
Take two drinks when…
-A touchdown is scored without a defensive player in the picture.
-An offensive lineman touches the ball on the dumbest trick play you’ve seen in your entire life.
-Peyton Manning is seen trying to fire up people on the sidelines. Seriously, stop it man.
-An old, white, crusty journalist says something bad about Cam Newton in your twitter feed.
- The announcers remind you that blitzing is not allowed. If you want to drink more in light of this horse shit rule, be my guest.
Finish your drink if…
-The phrase “one of the greatest performances in Pro Bowl history” is used.
-Anyone on the victorious team gives glory to God in a postgame interview. God hates the Pro Bowl, man.
Enjoy the game you sick bastards.
Chris Dorsey
Nate Raby
Joseph Kyle Schmidt
Ben Van Iten
If there is one thing I do hold against Iron Hand Goodell (and there aren’t many), it’s bringing this atrocity BACK. He should’ve stuck with his gut and just abolished this game. Have fans vote on who they feel are deserving All-Pros and let those voted get a bonus of some sort. But this, a week away from the Super Bowl hasn’t been something they’ve given a shit about and they probably won’t today.
Needs to be renamed the No Bowl. Cause NO one gives a shit about the effort they put out.
Yeah, I agree. This game is a waste.