I would make the argument that week two of the NFL season is the hardest one to project of any of them. Combine the terrifying unpredictability of the early part of the season with the vague and false notions you gain from week one and what you are left with is a bettor’s nightmare. However, I don’t feel like there were many surprising results that came out of Sunday’s games. Or maybe I’m just smart as shit, who is to say?!? Let’s get into it.
Yes, the Seahawks won…but let’s all take a deep breath
If I beat Michael Jordan in a basketball game on Mars, it wouldn’t be nearly as impressive as if I did so on earth because obviously the conditions are different. While Seattle’s homefield advantage doesn’t change things THAT much, it is like playing in a bizarro football universe. Teams look remarkably less explosive in that stadium, but I for one still don’t think that Seattle is the best team in the NFC West. As we saw last week, they struggle on the road and I think they are going to lose enough weird games away from home that they will not be in CenturyLink Field for the playoffs.
All that being said…holy crap they abused the 49ers last night. The disparity in total yards was only 83, but it felt like 383. Colin Kaepernick completed as many passes to the Seahawks as he did to Vernon Davis last night, which is never a good sign for San Fran. Anquan Boldin, who looked like he should change his name to Jerry Rice or simply “The One True God” after week one, caught one pass for 7 yards.
Think the 49ers will be amped up for the rematch in December? Just a bit.
And of course we have to discuss the Bro Bowl…
I avoided the pregame shows yesterday because I really didn’t feel like watching old grainy videos of Eli and Peyton playing bocce ball or whatever.
The argument over the years of who is better between Eli and Peyton is a classic one, as it pits football fans who value only rings against football fans WHO HAVE EYES. In this case it isn’t really a fair fight as the Broncos are loaded on offense and have a surprisingly scrappy defense, while the Giants are…well, wait a minute, the Giants have a lot of talent on both sides of the ball as well. They just like to pick random weeks to stink up the entire joint. Eli has seven interceptions in two games, and unlike his brother will never be the kind of player that guarantees a spot in the playoffs with his mere presence. If they do get into the postseason this year, it will be because the entire NFC East is basically in the toilet. And yes, I realize that every time someone talks shit about the Giants they can sense it and they might even be desperate enough to print out this small time blog and put it on the bulletin board. I can’t wait for next week when some annoying Giants defensive lineman starts yelling at the top of his lungs that “no one respects us!” You’re right, we don’t. You suck. Shut up.
On the other side of the coin, how terrified are defensive coordinators of the Denver offense at this point? Probably THIS SCARED!
I’m going to have to google image search “boobs” or “Aaron Rodgers handsome” just to get that out of my head now.
The Chargers beat the Eagles because the NFL is weird
In week one the Eagles new shiny offense was the talk of the league, and the Chargers blew a 21 point lead at home. So it should stand to reason that in week two when San Diego has to travel all the way east to Philadelphia for a noon kickoff that they should win a shootout right? What the actual fuck?
I had a weird feeling that this might happen, but if I were to put money on the game it would have been Philadelphia ten times out of ten. While their offense once again impressed, the defense was well…atrocious. The good news for the birds is that the rest of their division lost, and with how inconsistent the NFC East looks this year they might even have an outside shot at the division. As far as the Chargers are concerned, the entire AFC West found a way to win on Sunday and maybe that division is a little stronger than we gave them credit for.
-For the second year in a row the Cowboys beat the Giants to start the season and then promptly dropped a road game in week two. For more on this story, just turn on ESPN at any point today.
-Speaking of that game, the Chiefs are 2-0 and yesterday they wore their Royal Tenenbaums track suits.
-The Packers wide receiver group doesn’t look any worse without Greg Jennings. Yesterday James Jones, their fourth option, caught over 170 yards worth of passes in a blowout of the Redskins. Just think about that for a moment. I am right now. I’m not wearing any…never mind.
-The Texans, Saints, Patriots, and Bears are four very lucky 2-0 teams, but the good news for them is this isn’t college football so style points don’t really matter and if they right the ship no one will remember some of the struggles they had in these games. The bad news for them is if they keep playing like they have the wins aren’t going to keep coming.
-I wanted to do a big block of text on RG3, but later on this week Nate and I will be putting the Redskins on trial for how they have handled his recovery. I will be prosecuting and Mr. Raby will handling the defense.
-I love making fun of the Lions, but their loss in Arizona isn’t a symptom of their ineptness as much as it goes to show how truly stacked the NFC is this year. Arizona will probably win 6 or 7 games, but with that defense and that coach they will probably be in almost every game this year.
-The new Jaguar helmets look like something from the CFL or the IFL. The talent level of the players looks like something from the CFL or the IFL.
-The Bills last second victory was one of the feel good moments of the day, unless you are Ron Rivera and then it was one of the “oh shit they are going to fire me, aren’t they?” moments of the day.
Enjoy Monday Night football, everyone!