The Pittsburgh Steelers are the sole leader in Super Bowl titles with
7 6 THANK YOU LUKE. They are a model franchise with only three head coaches since 1962. They are an iconic feature to the National Football League, and one that belongs in the conversation when you talk about the best franchise in the league.
Today, though? Today they fucking suck.
I don’t think that was enough emphasis. The word “fuck” is thrown around a lot nowadays, particularly by members of this blog. I don’t even think italics and bold would do the trick. Let’s at least try it:
Today they fucking suck.
Nope, still not doing it. That arrangement of letters does no justice to a team that has fewer running yards over two games than several quarterbacks including Alex Smith. It doesn’t capture how the offense has produced on the level of a Conference USA Team. It doesn’t portray how a team that has one of the best motivators and one of the best defensive coaches ever could suddenly look like a bunch of cub scouts that lost their way in the woods, has no compass, and the fat kid just ate the last peanut and butter sandwiches.
No, just saying they fucking suck doesn’t adequately describe what Pittsburgh is doing right now. It’s an insult to the Jets, and the Chargers, and the other teams I have said suck before. This team, which has always been a mainstay in playoff contention, looks like it has already given up 2 games into the season.
So why do the Steelers suck? Whose fault is it? Well, everyone’s. But mostly it’s Todd Haley and the offensive line. The offensive line has hope because they’re just young and missing their best player. But I think at some point you have to realize that if you have a surly, stubborn coach running your offense, and he doesn’t seem to get along with your proven quarterback, and your offense is among the last in the league, it’s probably not a good idea to keep him around. I rarely side with Ben Roethlisberger on anything, and even I think it’s time for this guy to start managing a junior college program somewhere. Todd Haley’s offensive scheme –honestly, everyone’s offensive scheme if you want to be a dick about it – needs their offensive line to push the defenders away at least, you know, half the time. But without that, the Steelers can’t keep drives going. Take a look at this offensive statline: the Steelers’ average drive is 4 plays, 20 yards, and .7 points, all 30th or 31st in the league. Compare that to Denver’s gaudy 2.8 points per drive, and you see how dire it is.
The defense isn’t awful, but they aren’t the same defense that has kept them in games since Tomlin took over. The most important thing is they aren’t taking the ball away. When they went to the Super Bowl in 2010, the Steelers were 3rd in the league in takeaways. Over the past few years, they’ve been in the bottom third. They still don’t have a turnover this season. And if you have an offense that can’t produce points and a defense that can’t get the ball back in good field position, you don’t have much of a chance to win.
Which is a long way of saying today they fucking suck. But we already established that.
What’s the silver lining? Well, the division looks weaker than it’s ever been. LeVeon Bell may come back and give the offense a boost it needs. Of course, you need to block to get running yards, but maybe the line will get its act together soon too. And like I said, it’s hard to really rule out a team that has Mike Tomlin on the headset. But I thought that before Monday night, too. After the Week 1 debacle, I was sure that Tomlin was going to have his boys firing out the gate on Monday, ready to rip Andy Dalton’s head off and show they weren’t dead. But instead they just sort of showed up, lightly tugged at Dalton’s chin strap, and seemed to give up.
Hey, it’s a long season. Polamalu actually looks healthy. Things can go up from here. At least they’re not the Browns. These are all things that I would say to my fiancée if she were a Steelers fan and I was trying to get laid. And they’re also partly true. Just like my Ravens piece last year, this entire article could be used as a way to make me look stupid. And I’m fine with that.
But I know what I’m looking at right now. I know what kind of team I’ve seen for two weeks in a row. And that is a shitty team. That’s a team who should be worrying more about player development than results. That is a team that fucking sucks.
Oooh, that was so snarky it was almost mean. I need to eat a Snickers bar.