It’s Sunday night. I’m sitting on my couch, eating a tub of Moose Tracks ice cream. I miss Blue Bell. The store brand shit doesn’t cut it. I would risk listeria for an I Heart Chocolate scoop right now. I think about that last thought and realize my desperation has hit an all-time high. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been burned as many times as I have.
I look at the TV and see the crawl list another victory for Cincinnati. I fight back tears and switch the channel from ESPN to TBS. Bridget Jones’ Diary is on. This will be a better waste of my time than watching football highlights. If I watch highlights, there’s a chance I’ll see them. And I can’t see them right now. Not when they’re doing so well.
Artist’s rendition of Nate
Just as we get to the scene where Bridget says something cheeky in a bad British accent, I hear a knock at my door. It’s faint; I thought it was a tree branch at first. Then, it happens again.
Sometimes reputations are more important than reality in the NFL. Players, teams, and coaches get a snapshot, a byline on their memoir that they can live off of. An example: even though Sean Payton has been conservative over the last three or so years, he still has the reputation as a risky coach because of his previous exploits. Sometimes the truth gets lost in the reputation, and players and coaches can live off of this reputation for a long time before that reputation changes.
Something tells me Bill O’Brien’s reputation is changing right now. Continue reading
Joe Philbin’s head coaching career died today at the age of 52 games. It was a young career, but this death was expected and earned. Most people figured the Dolphins should be better by now, and by all accounts they’re right: they have offensive and defensive talent. They just need it to be molded together, and apparently Joe Philbin never owned Playdoh as a kid.
Well that’s weird.
Philbin presumably will find an offensive job somewhere in the league, where he can hopefully be lucky enough to coach a HOF prospect QB again and ride him to another coaching gig. As for the Dolphins, it’s early enough in the season that this could be a spark plug move for them. Maybe someone will come in and tell Tannehill, “Hey, that Jarvis Landry kid is good. Throw him the ball.”
And because I’m nothing if not a snarky asshole who loves to be right, I’ll end on this:
Being right is my antidrug
Hey guys! I know I’m not usually the one to talk about gambling sponsored by Draft Kings on the site, but after getting a call from these scary guys in suits, I decided to give it a whirl! I just wanted to say before we get started that this blog post is sponsored by Draft Kings, the best one-week fantasy website! Use Draft Kings! Go to draftkings.com!
Okay, now we’re going to take a few lines powered by Draft Kings and I’ll tell you which team to pick. Continue reading
Some of you may not know that in my private time, I run an advice column called Dear Uncle Nate where I listen to people’s problems and give well-thought, meaningful solutions. It’s a specialized column, because it seems that only NFL players and coaches write me questions. It’s obvious that my experience as a loud, unshowered blogger has impressed everyone. With great power comes great responsibility, so it’s time to throw away the loofa and answer some questions! Continue reading