Author Archives: Joseph Kyle Schmidt

About Joseph Kyle Schmidt

Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

Top 5 Most Exciting Moments of the Tennessee Titans 2014 Season SO FAR

Yeah, that's right. Charlie motherfucking Whitehurst.

Yeah, that’s right. Charlie motherfucking Whitehurst.

We’re just about halfway through another exciting season of football action and there’s no better time to look back at five of the most exciting moments in the Tennessee Titans recent contests. I know what you’re thinking: “JUST five?!” See what you think when you check out the list below. Continue reading

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Fantasy: Top 10 WRs I’d Kick in the Nuts if I Saw Them in the Club and it’s Dark and I Knew I’d Get Away With It

James Jones, pictured here, has no idea you're about to kick him right in the dick.

James Jones, pictured here, has no idea you’re about to kick him right in the dick.

It’s Fantasy Football time and we here at the Footbawl Blog have you covered if you’re looking for fantastical analysis before the season kicks off. Whether you have yet to draft or if you’re looking to make a big trade, we’ve compiled just the list to help make those tough decisions! Make sure you check out the top wide receivers picked by our experts and find out why these guys should get their dicks kicked! Continue reading

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2013 Team Retrospective: The Arizona Cardinals

Another year of this man's talents wasted.

Another year of this man’s talents wasted.

The season could only be called bittersweet for the Arizona Cardinals. How else could you classify a 10-6 team that didn’t make playoffs?

And really, the Cardinals weren’t supposed to achieve what they did. With a new coaching regime, a shaky running back, and an aging quarterback under center (FUCKING USC), no one expected Arizona to be a contender. And they were right in the end, because going 2-4 in the division is awful.

But the pieces are in place for the team to improve. The NFC West is lately considered the toughest division in football, and there has to be a little truth to it if third best team in the division still eked out 10 wins.

Now join us, stoke the still waters and be embraced by the Blessed Mother in this, a time of retrospection, a time of wonder. /Mendenhall verse. Continue reading

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2013 Team Retrospective: The San Diego Chargers

The San Diego Chargers were a surprising breath of fresh air this season. A decent team in the middling AFC pack, the Chargers got a little bit of luck in their Week 17 overtime win against the Chiefs and found themselves in the playoffs.

Despite inconsistent play and being stuck in the same division as two of the best teams in the NFL, the Chargers rallied behind new coach Mike McCoy and Comeback Player of the Year Philip Rivers, who bounced back from one of the worst years of his career.

But for all the praise he gets, he still manages to fuck up in ways entirely unique to him. Like this gem to end the game against the Titans in Week 3:

"Well, fuck this game"

“Well, fuck this game”

This is your 2013 Chargers retrospective. Continue reading

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2013 Team Retrospective: The Carolina Panthers

My best friend is a Panthers fan. In some reality, they were not plagued by the playoff bye week. They continued with the momentum that propelled them throughout the regular season, past the San Francisco 49ers.

They defeated the Seahawks in a rematch from Week 1. And they had a shootout with the Broncos in a wholly satisfying Super Bowl, in which fans on both sides took pride in the fact that their team gave it their all despite the outcome.

But this is Earth Prime, where Carolina fucked up when it mattered most. And it sucks to say it because they were one of the most entertaining teams to watch that didn’t have Peyton Manning on the team, because the Panthers were good on all sides of the football.

One loss, and all of that hard work is as useful as a baggy Magnum. Playoffs are unforgiving. But it all began somewhere…

"Names are funny. You're Captain even though you're a football player. I'm Ron even though I'm an overrated coach."

“Names are funny. You’re Captain even though you’re a football player. I’m Ron even though I’m an overrated coach.”

Continue reading

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