Author Archives: Ben Van Iten

About Ben Van Iten

Ben decided that after guiding several Madden franchises to Super Bowl titles he now had the right to say whatever he wanted about football on the internet. His obsession with all things NFL is no longer cureable.

Take a Deep Breath About the Dalton Contract, Sheeple

Not pictured: his brand new 100k socks!

Not pictured: his brand new 100k socks!

Yesterday when it was announced that Andy Dalton had signed a 6 year, 115 million dollar contract with the Bengals and the internet collectively lost its shit.

The snark infested waters of twitter got even meaner than usual…

…but yet, was this really that bad a deal for Cincinnati? Continue reading

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Hey Internet: Let’s Pile on Tony Dungy!

Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay

Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay

You might have read the title of this post and thought I was being ironic.

Perhaps I was annoyed with the internet for collectively taking Dungy out to the woodshed for the last 24 hours.

Nope! Was being literal (well, not completely literal, I don’t think the entire internet should actually pile on top of him – homophobes don’t handle that kind of thing well) I think we should all pile on Tony Dungy and turn this into the PR nightmare that he deserves. In case you missed it Dungy said in an article in the Tampa Tribune that he wouldn’t have taken openly gay pass rusher Michael Sam. After all, he warned, “things will happen”.

“Things will happen.”

What the fuck does that mean? Continue reading

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Ridiculous Lists: The Top Five Most Bullshit Headlines on NFL.com This Morning

One of the headlines involves this guy. CRAZY RIGHT!?! (photo credit: NFL.com)

One of the headlines involves this guy. CRAZY RIGHT!?! (photo credit: NFL.com)

Why hello again!

Between other writing projects, summer plans, and almost crippling bouts of laziness…I haven’t written for this site in a while. But as the haunting and shitty specter of the offseason begins to slowly dissipate, I figured it was time to get my ass back in gear. That being said, I still had no idea what to write about. I haven’t kept as close of tabs on everything during this offseason as I have the last few prior. When these things happen, I often go to NFL.com to get a general idea of some of the big headlines.

There was really nothing of note, almost to a hilarious extent.

It is with that in mind that I give you the top five most ridiculous stupid bullshit headlines on NFL.com this morning. Continue reading

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Meet Colt Layerla, Tight End and Sandy Hook Truther

Great hands, and exceptional feet insertion into mouth ability

Great hands, and exceptional feet insertion into mouth ability

It came through the news wire early Monday evening that the Green Bay Packers had signed undrafted rookie tight end Colt Lyerla.

What’s the big deal, right? Hundreds of undrafted rookies are signed every year during the build-up to the season.

Well, this isn’t exactly your standard ho-hum signing. Continue reading

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Who Should Draft Johnny Football?

"Sometimes I just like to close my eyes and imagine how rich I'll be."

“Sometimes I just like to close my eyes and imagine how rich I’ll be.”

During my youth, the NBA draft was a pretty big deal.

A lot of the big time players I had gotten a chance to watch in college for three of four years and there was the idea that all it took was one player to turn a franchise around. These days, the more valued prospects are often one and done college players who have not yet even begun to show what they can do. The Major League Baseball draft has a thousand rounds and literally no one outside of a front office has any idea how it works.

While other sports’ drafts have either gotten less exciting or stayed in obscurity, the NFL draft has gained more and more momentum over the years. For the last few seasons the first few rounds have been moved to prime time, and we will get the first mock draft for 2015 about twenty minutes about the 2014 one ends.

While you have most likely gotten familiar with several players at several positions over the last few months, there is one name that eclipses every one: I am speaking, of course, of Johnny Football. The first ever freshman Heisman Trophy winner has been called everything from undersized and overrated to a can’t miss future hall of famer.

Several teams have been rumored to draft Manziel, and to help the teams in the top ten I have provided a pro and a con for each of them to consider when mulling over taking this controversial player. Continue reading

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