Author Archives: Ben Van Iten

About Ben Van Iten

Ben decided that after guiding several Madden franchises to Super Bowl titles he now had the right to say whatever he wanted about football on the internet. His obsession with all things NFL is no longer cureable.
by | April 5, 2013 · 9:20 am

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: Regional Finals

We have made it to the regional finals! Exciting times, I know. Nate will bring you the Spygate regional final, while Ben will breakdown its Buttfumble counterpart. So that’s a sentence.

Spygate Regional Final: 1999 Rams (#1 Seed) vs. 1993 Cowboys (#3 Seed)

Emmitt celebrating his first half TD

Emmitt celebrating his first half TD

How They Got Here: The Rams cruised by the hapless 2007 Giants 31-16, then squeaked by the 2003 Patriots 26-23. The Cowboys ate the Bucs alive 34-13, then struck down the 2004 Patriots on a last-second field goal to win 13-10.

Pre-Game Hype: Most of the verbal fireworks came unexpectedly from the offensive line. Orlando Pace got asked if he was better than the members of the Cowboys’ OL, and he said, “Definitely. I think they’re dirty. Nate Newton holds on every play.” When asked to respond, Newton said, “We’re offensive linemen. We hold on every play. Why is he trying to make this interesting anyway? We’re the most boring people in football.” Continue reading →

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by | April 4, 2013 · 11:18 am

The Inevitable, and Lazy, Palmer/Warner Comparision

Carson Palmer spends a lot of free time photo-shopping himself into pictures like this.

Carson Palmer spends a lot of free time photo-shopping himself into pictures like this.

Welcome to our continuing coverage of shitty quarterback transactions!

Yesterday I was taking a look at some random articles on the NFL’s official website, and I came across this one. On the front page, the link was titled: “Will Palmer experience Warner-like resurgence?” Originally I chuckled aloud, but was ultimately relieved after clicking on it to see the author’s actual article title was, “Don’t expect Kurt Warner magic out of Carson Palmer.”

But the more I thought about the premise, the more it seemed that even posing the question is absurd. Continue reading →

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by | March 29, 2013 · 11:55 am

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: Second Round, Buttfumble Region

Yesterday two teams advanced to the Spygate regional final and today the other half of the final four will be determined. It has been a tense week in the FBB office as both Nate and I have a dog left in the fight, and those dogs are battling. Settle down, Michael Vick.

1996 Packers (#1 seed) vs. 2009 Saints (#5 seed)

Rison celebrating a first half TD. Like a drunk bird.

Rison celebrating a first half TD. Like a drunk bird.

How They Got Here: The Packers won comfortably against the 2012 Ravens, while the Saints pulled the biggest upset of the tournament so far and stunned the ’95 Cowboys.

Pregame Hype: The two teams seemed pretty amiable towards each other, but Nate scratched “Who Dat” into the side of my car with his keys. Continue reading →

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by | March 22, 2013 · 1:12 pm

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: First Round, Butt Fumble Region

Yesterday you saw the first round winners in the Spygate bracket, today the Butt Fumble region takes center stage!

Just a kid out there...(Credit: Associated Press)

Just a kid out there…
(Credit: Associated Press)

1996 Packers (#1 seed) vs. 2012 Ravens (#8 seed)

Pre-Game Hype: The 1996 version of Brett Favre made a lot of media headlines by saying the following about Joe Flacco, “So in the future, this is the highest paid QB in the league? Haha, okay.” Flacco fired back by saying, “Let me tell you something else about the future…your dick is all over the internet.” It is safe to say that coming into this game neither team was all that fond of each other. Continue reading →

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by | March 21, 2013 · 9:55 am

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: First Round, Spygate Region

In case you missed the play-in games, or even the original tournament announcement…feel free to get caught up on this prestigious event before continuing.

Now then, without further ado, here are the first round results in the Spygate region!

1999 Rams (#1 seed) vs. 2007 Giants (#8 seed)

Pre-Game Hype: On the surface, this seems like a good match-up for the Giants. They have historically done quite well against teams that rely heavily on a finesse passing game. But unlike some of the teams that the Giants have had success in the playoffs against recently, the ’99 Rams were an excellent defensive unit that featured multiple pro bowlers…something most people tend to forget. Who would have known that Dick Vermeil’s crying could motivate grown men so effectively?

Now that's some motivational shit.

Now that’s some motivational shit.

Game Summary: For much of the game the Giants front four frustrated the Greatest Show on Turf, and the defense held the prolific Rams to just ten points on offense in the first half. The problem for New York is St. Louis’ defense got on the board as well. Towards the end of the second quarter, another Eli Manning pass hit David Tyree right on the helmet…only instead of magically sticking there it bounced up in the air and was caught by Todd Lyght who took it fifty six yards for the score. In the second half the Rams dominated the time of possession by utilizing Marshall Faulk in the ground game, and on short passes. The Giants offense showed signs of life in the third quarter, but being forced to settle for field goals made the comeback far more daunting. A late touchdown toss from Kurt Warner to Isaac Bruce sealed the game.

Final Score: Rams 31, Giants 16 Continue reading →

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