Category Archives: Articles

Fuck It, It’s Friday: LOOKIN’ GOOD, SCHAUBSTER

It’s Friday, it’s the offseason, and we’ve already written two pretty serious articles this week. How do we resolve this issue? By bringing in an amazing photograph, of course!

Fuck it, it’s Friday. LOOK AT THIS ACTUAL OAKLAND RAIDERS PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL!

LOOK AT IT!

LOOK AT IT!

There’s just so many amazing things here. Let’s take a look at this thing piece by piece. Continue reading

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The NFL Doesn’t Care About Spousal Abuse? Excuse Me For Not Being Shocked…Or Enraged

For the record, I do think this guy is a piece of shit

For the record, I do think this guy is a piece of shit

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. RAY RICE ONLY GOT TWO GAMES WHEN JOSH GORDON GOT A YEAR? THIS IS JUST…

Hold up, this doesn’t feel right. Let me clear my throat and try again.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT RAY RICE ONLY GOT TWO GAMES FOR BEATING A WOMAN. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE DOES THIS SEND TO…

Sorry, sorry. One second. I was distracted. Let me try one more time.

ROGER GOODELL IS A HYPOCRITE AND AN AWFUL HUMAN BEING. I WILL NEVER GIVE MY MONEY TO ANY NFL PRODUCT ANYMORE! I HOPE YOU LIKE SEEING EMPTY SEATS AT STADIUMS, FUHRER, BECAUSE YOU’LL BE SEEING THEM EVERYWHERE, NOT JUST JACKSONVILLE! FUCK YOU AND FUCK…

Shit. I almost got through it, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend to summon the necessary outrage. Continue reading

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Hey Internet: Let’s Pile on Tony Dungy!

Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay

Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay

You might have read the title of this post and thought I was being ironic.

Perhaps I was annoyed with the internet for collectively taking Dungy out to the woodshed for the last 24 hours.

Nope! Was being literal (well, not completely literal, I don’t think the entire internet should actually pile on top of him – homophobes don’t handle that kind of thing well) I think we should all pile on Tony Dungy and turn this into the PR nightmare that he deserves. In case you missed it Dungy said in an article in the Tampa Tribune that he wouldn’t have taken openly gay pass rusher Michael Sam. After all, he warned, “things will happen”.

“Things will happen.”

What the fuck does that mean? Continue reading

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Laces Out Episode Nine: Sponsored by Arm & Hammer Baking Soda!

On Thursday night, Ben and I got together to record our thoughts on the Jimmy Graham decision, fantasy football and how it makes one of us want to quit forever, and then we spend some time talking about NBA Free Agency. Keep in mind, this was recorded before LeBron made his decision, so it’s a little outdated. And when that Nate guy says he thinks LeBron is going to stay in Miami, remember that he was just joking!

Stream is below. Enjoy!

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Ridiculous Lists: The Top Five Most Bullshit Headlines on NFL.com This Morning

One of the headlines involves this guy. CRAZY RIGHT!?! (photo credit: NFL.com)

One of the headlines involves this guy. CRAZY RIGHT!?! (photo credit: NFL.com)

Why hello again!

Between other writing projects, summer plans, and almost crippling bouts of laziness…I haven’t written for this site in a while. But as the haunting and shitty specter of the offseason begins to slowly dissipate, I figured it was time to get my ass back in gear. That being said, I still had no idea what to write about. I haven’t kept as close of tabs on everything during this offseason as I have the last few prior. When these things happen, I often go to NFL.com to get a general idea of some of the big headlines.

There was really nothing of note, almost to a hilarious extent.

It is with that in mind that I give you the top five most ridiculous stupid bullshit headlines on NFL.com this morning. Continue reading

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