Category Archives: Haters Gon’ Hate

We take a look at a positive story, and then rip it to shreds cause man we hate that team

Haters Gon’ Hate: RG3 is a dick

One day we might look back and call this the end of his career.

One day we might look back and call this the end of his career.

I say a lot of things about football every week.

They range from predictions and analysis to mid play grunting. Like most people that talk about football, I tend to quickly forget about the things I was wrong about and forever cling to the things I was right about. And this week, the thing I’m taking pride in the most is a hypothesis of mine I had a few years ago: RG3 is a dick. Continue reading

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Your Favorite Player Sucks: Cam Newton

I’ve really tried to avoid this all year. I knew that when it eventually happened, it would just come off as a fan of a division rival hating. In fact, I’ll double categorize this as Haters Gonna Hate too, just for full disclosure.

But I can’t ignore it anymore. We have to deal with the elephant in the room. The elephant who is built more like a mountain lion/gazelle hybrid. The elephant who is a Panther. The elephant who was an Auburn Tiger.

Sorry, I confused myself with too many animals.

Your favorite player is Cam Newton, and your favorite player sucks.

"So hey, uh...what you doing after the game?" (Source: ESPN)

“So hey, uh…what you doing after the game?”
(Source: ESPN)

Continue reading

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Fuck It, It’s Friday: Hey Drew Brees, Stop Giving Your Kids Weird Names

"Come back here or I'll change your name to Splugen!"

“Come back here or I’ll change your name to Splugen!”

I want to start this off by pre-emptively throwing myself at the feet of Breesus for forgiveness.

Okay, got that out of the way. Let me dust myself off. Continue reading

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Haters Gon’ Hate: So Here’s Some Guys I’d Punch in the Privates

When the Green Bay Packers are eliminated from the playoffs it leaves me with a variety of emotions.

Originally there is shock and sadness, but eventually that fades into resentment and bitterness. Yes, eventually you’ll find me sitting around a campfire drinking moonshine and saying stuff like this:

This weekend the playoffs will resume the same way that a car might start again after it runs over your family. Hmm, this is a lot darker than I thought it would be. Anyway, here are five NFL personalities that will be making an appearance this weekend that I would like to take out my frustrations on and punch in the dick. Continue reading

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Haters Gon’ Hate: Why I’m Not Drafting Jay Cutler

As we have stated on this website on more than one (thousand) occasions, the NFL offseason is a miserable and barren wasteland of either non or horrific stories. Either we are worrying about what cap someone is wearing, or Aaron Hernandez is murdering people. Also, Riley Cooper is a racist. So it goes.

But maybe the only good thing that comes from the off-season is you don’t have to hear about everyone’s fantasy football team. Oh, you benched the Rams third wide receiver and he scored two touchdowns you say? Please, let’s discuss this more over some cyanide.

FFmeme

Despite all the shit I talk about fantasy football players, I am one. We are only a few days away from the first pre-season football game, which means that fantasy drafts will be starting in a few weeks. We could tell you the players that you should draft, but that doesn’t really fit in with our cynical curmudgeon theme. So instead, over the next couple weeks we are going to tell you players to stay away from.

HATERS GON’ HATE, YA’LL!

First up, reality star bangin’ interception slangin’ quarterback Jay Cutler! Continue reading

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