When the Green Bay Packers are eliminated from the playoffs it leaves me with a variety of emotions.
Originally there is shock and sadness, but eventually that fades into resentment and bitterness. Yes, eventually you’ll find me sitting around a campfire drinking moonshine and saying stuff like this:
This weekend the playoffs will resume the same way that a car might start again after it runs over your family. Hmm, this is a lot darker than I thought it would be. Anyway, here are five NFL personalities that will be making an appearance this weekend that I would like to take out my frustrations on and punch in the dick. Continue reading
As some of you may know, I work from home.
All in all, it’s a pretty good gig. One of my least favorite parts of it, however, is that when things get slow in the afternoon and I literally don’t have anything to do sometimes I get roped into watching random NFL programming on ESPN (First world problems, I know, shut up.) The NFL Network, which specializes in (wait for it) the NFL at least has the good sense to realize there is not enough new stuff to talk about on a day to day basis during the offseason to dedicate hours of coverage to banal subjects. At four in the afternoon they are running “The Top Ten Placekickers of the 90’s” or some shit.
Oh, but not ESPN.
Not only do they have NFL Live, but they also have NFL 32. Oh, and soon they are going to add something called “NFL Insiders” which I can only assume is Mort and Adam battling over who can use the phrase, “according to some general managers I’ve talked to” the most.
Oh, and here’s just a sidebar: if you ever see Hugh Douglas on any of these shows, you’d be better off going outside and running head first into your neighbor’s fence for a half hour than watch that jabbering idiot attempt to compose sentences.
But this isn’t about Hugh Douglas, this is about one of the top news stories in the NFL this afternoon. According to the Titans new offensive coordinator Dowell Loggains (yeah, like that’s a real name) Jake Locker is no longer going to use a wristband to call plays. Continue reading
So a few weeks ago I wrote about how I hate the offseason, and it wasn’t a very productive piece. All it did was complain and made me feel worse for writing it. And worst of all, the season isn’t getting here any quicker.
But after spending some time watching replays of every Super Bowl for the last 10 years and crying into a sock, I realized I could do something productive with my hatred of the offseason. I could do my favorite thing: rant!
So here it is, the semi-regular feature of the offseason, where I go to ESPN’s NFL newsfeed, read the articles, and think, “Why the fuck is this news? I can’t wait until these are all scores, highlights, and the occasional Pacman Jones DUI.” Continue reading
I love you, internet.
Happy Friday, haters!
Disastrous divisional round losses that make you want to hang yourself aside; NFL fans have to feel pumped for Sunday’s games. The season comes down to four of the best teams in the league, with a trip to the Super Bowl hanging in the balance. It’s going to be compelling television with several promising storylines taking center stage. Can Brady get to a sixth Super Bowl? How many bad coaching decisions can Mike Smith make in a single thirty second window? But if you aren’t familiar with this feature’s gimmick, we are about to shit all over your cheerios.
While the teams that are left are top notch, the same can’t be said for the announcers calling the games. They might not be the most unbearable on their respective networks (let’s all say a silent thank you for a Siragusa free Sunday – someone make that a hashtag) but it’s pretty bad. We here at the Footbawl Blog like to encourage intelligent hate, so below you will find a thoughtful and articulate list of reasons why you should actively dislike both announce crews. Continue reading