Category Archives: Lists!

Football fans are obsessed with lists. We are no different.

Cross Country Round Table: Super Bowl Predictions

Every so often the staff of the Footbawl Blog likes to sit around a metaphorical round table and shoot the shit about a particular issue. Today they are only discussing WHO IS GOING TO WIN THE GODDAMN SUPER BOWL.

The Super Bowl is only a few days away, and it is our duty as people who talk about football to pretend that we know what will happen in a game that will feature over fifty grown men and a million variables. And here’s the crazy thing: we’re all right. If the universe is infinite, then it would stand to reason that all of these things have already happened and will happen again. Good luck explaining that to your bookie though. That guy hates science.

"Dude thinks I'm the key to the game? The fuck?"

“Dude thinks I’m the key to the game? The fuck?”

Chris

It’s obvious that the Seahawks would really prefer this to be a battle in the trenches, just minus the pesky mustard gas. If it is, there’s little chance they don’t take home the title. Continue reading

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Reckless Gambling: Super Bowl Prop Bets

I love the smell of money wasted on ridiculous bets in the morning.

I love the smell of money wasted on ridiculous bets in the morning.

A few months back while playing poker at a friend’s place, we had a 90’s music station on in the background. The rest of the degenerates and I proceeded to bet on what the next song played would be, while at the same time wagering money on the poker game itself. The point I’m making is that if you want to gamble, you can do so on pretty much anything.

Enter the gambling gateway drug: the Super Bowl! Continue reading

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I Know Who is Going to the Super Bowl! (SPOILERS INSIDE!)

Championship Sunday is upon us, and as it turns out the four teams left are the four teams that Vegas predicted had the best chance of winning the Super Bowl at the start of the season.

This of course causes the dumbest person you know to rant on Facebook about how the NFL made it so. When you press these people on how exactly the league could have fixed virtually every regular season and playoff game, and included literally thousands of people on this conspiracy without a single one of them or their families talking about it, well…you usually get unfriended. So it goes.

Let’s predict stuff.

Last week: 3-1

Overall: 4-4

Mood: Wrong, but pretty

"Hey Peyton, gonna let me call any plays today? No? Oh, okay."

“Hey Peyton, gonna let me call any plays today? No? Oh, okay.”

AFC Championship Game: Patriots at Broncos

While the second game of the day promises to be closer on paper, I have done more flip flopping on this one. Continue reading

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Five Reasons the “ZOMG Manning/Brady XXXVIIII!!!!” Hype Makes Us Want To Bleach our Eyeballs

Conference championship week. The second most important week of the NFL season. Because there are only two games being played this weekend, the storylines get extended. Whereas ESPN was able to feed you tiny, pill-sized pieces of bullshit for each game every week, now there are metric tons of bullshit to spread around. Sports media is going to analyze every semi-interesting tidbit they can find to drum up interest for games which – let’s be honest – are already interesting enough on their own. And after last year’s debacle of “HAY DID U GUISE KNOW THE COACHES R BROTHAS???”, I thought no storyline could possibly annoy me more.

Oh Christ.

Oh Christ.

Clearly I was wrong. Continue reading

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Haters Gon’ Hate: So Here’s Some Guys I’d Punch in the Privates

When the Green Bay Packers are eliminated from the playoffs it leaves me with a variety of emotions.

Originally there is shock and sadness, but eventually that fades into resentment and bitterness. Yes, eventually you’ll find me sitting around a campfire drinking moonshine and saying stuff like this:

This weekend the playoffs will resume the same way that a car might start again after it runs over your family. Hmm, this is a lot darker than I thought it would be. Anyway, here are five NFL personalities that will be making an appearance this weekend that I would like to take out my frustrations on and punch in the dick. Continue reading

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