Category Archives: Lists!

Football fans are obsessed with lists. We are no different.

The Week 3 Freak-out Index!

Calm down, buddy.

Calm down, buddy.

“It is never too early in the season to overreact” – the first commandment of the football blogger’s bible.

Some teams are 2-0. They’re sitting in a hot tub, reading the morning paper, being hand fed strawberries by European models. There are other teams, however, that are not so fortunate. Some teams are 0-2, and they are smoking three cigarettes at the same time with blood shot eyes and messy hair.

Ladies and gentlemen it’s the first ever Footbawl Blog Freak-out Index! I will be rating, on a scale from 1 to 10, the level that each of the below teams should be freaking out. If your miserable shitty team wasn’t included, I apologize. In case that isn’t clear enough, there will be pop culture clips. Basically this is all a poorly disguised excuse to show a video of Nicholas Cage screaming. Continue reading

Comments Off on The Week 3 Freak-out Index!

Filed under Lists!

The Footbawl Blog’s 4th Annual Preseason Awards!

We're having this guy go door to door with the trophies.

We’re having this guy go door to door with the trophies.

Can you believe real, actual football is being played TONIGHT? We can’t either. And to us, one of the best parts about a new football season, besides all of the hope and optimism, is finding new ways to make fun of Joe Flacco.

But even more than that is releasing our annual pre-season awards. They’re never official, we’ve never been right, and we refuse to do any research, but what we lack in accuracy we make up for in spunk and pretty pictures.

So without further delay, here are the Footbawl Blog Fourth Annual Pre-Season Awards Show! Continue reading

2 Comments

Filed under Articles, Lists!

The Fourth Annual Footbawl Blog End of Season Awards!

We spared...expense

We spared…expense

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Fourth Annual End of Season Awards! We’ve been at this for quite a while, and our hard work has finally paid off! Here to host our awards is none other than comedy legend Seth Meyers!

Seth Meyers: Hey, guys! Excited to be here. Let’s start this off right. I was giving the Patriots a ride to the awards show here, but we were a little late. Apparently our tires were deflated.

Nate: GET OUT.

Seth Meyers: Thanks you’ve been a great crowd!

Nate: Okay, let’s start the stupid award show already. Continue reading

Comments Off on The Fourth Annual Footbawl Blog End of Season Awards!

Filed under Articles, Lists!

Third Annual Footbawl Blog Football-Themed Halloween Costumes

It’s October 31st. You’re sitting in your apartment, looking at all the blueprints you’ve drawn up. The costume you had planned since March. The fabric that you swore you could whip up into an awesome top, even though you’ve never put a needle to thread in your life. The texts from multiple friends about “THE PERFECT GROUP COSTUME.”

And none of it will get done because you’re a lazy asshole who can never do anything right. You’re probably a Jaguars fan. (Just kidding, they don’t exist.)

Anyway, don’t feel too bad about yourself, because The Footbawl Blog is here with another fantastic edition of Footbawl Themed Halloween Costumes. They’re easy to make, they’ll display your creativity, and you’ll probably only have to explain the costume three or four times tonight! Continue reading

Comments Off on Third Annual Footbawl Blog Football-Themed Halloween Costumes

Filed under Articles, Lists!

5 Trades That Should Have Happened (Or: Would Have Amused Us)

Gonna need a warmer coat than that!

Gonna need a warmer coat than that!

The NFL trade deadline has never been as exciting as its counterpart in MLB or the NBA, but usually SOMETHING happens.

Tuesday’s trade deadline saw no Herschel Walker trades, no franchise changing excitement, only under achieving safety Marc Barron going from the Buccaneers to the Rams. But, because we love lists and we love being hypothetical, here’s five trades that should have happened. And by should have happened I mean it would have amused us. Continue reading

Comments Off on 5 Trades That Should Have Happened (Or: Would Have Amused Us)

Filed under Articles, Lists!