“I didn’t even have to do anything!”
I remember waking up the morning of week one, I felt like a child on Christmas. That doesn’t seem all that long ago. Yet here we are, at the end of another NFL season. I’m tired, hungover, and somehow living in a world where Joe Flacco has a Super Bowl ring. This is the dystopian future that Ray Bradbury warned you about. Continue reading
I’m not watching the NFL network until March.
Harbowl! Superbaugh!
Sure, you may think its cute now, but after a week and a half of that shit you run the risk of just randomly breaking a bottle over the edge of a table and stabbing someone in the throat. Two weeks is way too long to hype any one game as it is, but this year it’s going to be excruciating in a way that you never thought possible. Let’s talk about the games that got us to this point. Continue reading
As I remarked yesterday, watching football the day after your favorite team is eliminated from the playoffs seems like the equivalent of going to Sea World the day after a whale ate your family.
“In your face, Van Iten”
Everyone is having a great time and all you want to do is jump in the tank and murder Shamu with your bare hands. The normally delightful sights and sounds of an NFL Sunday made me feel like I was going to hurl. Every time I would see a fan getting excited it was a painful reminder that my 2012 football season died on Saturday night in San Francisco (#firstworldproblems). But despite this feeling, I’m still able to objectively say that it was an amazing weekend of playoff football. Let’s discuss it before I jump off a bridge! Continue reading
“Do you think he’ll get mad if I push him?”
If you enjoy (or lovingly tolerate) reading this feature every Monday, please don’t take it for granted. This week it almost didn’t happen at all. If the Packers would have lost to the Vikings on Saturday night my drinking probably would have spiraled out of control and I would have hitched a ride to the twin cities and attempted to toilet paper the Metrodome, ultimately resulting in some kind of disorderly conduct charge. Just picture me, lying on the floor of a cold jail cell, screaming out: “WHAT WILL THE READERS DO NOW!?!” That’s hypothetical dedication, folks. Continue reading
The regular season has come and gone, leaving me simultaneously excited and depressed. On one hand, there is nothing quite like playoff football. But on the other hand it’s a bitter reminder that at some point soon I’m going to have to actually be an adult on Sundays. I might be forced to do laundry, or any other number of activities that doesn’t involve me throwing booze at my face and yelling at the television. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, the last week of the regular season yielded plenty of topics to overreact to.
Here’s Tony Romo, moments before he did more dumbshit Tony Romo stuff.
Now seems like a pretty good time to mess with Texas
When Tony Romo took the field down by three with only a few minutes remaining on Sunday night, twitter came alive. It was being called the biggest drive by any quarterback for the entire season, and I couldn’t really argue. In the wake of Lebron James winning a title, there probably isn’t a mega talented star player in any sport that people doubt more than the embattled Dallas quarterback. I think the Redskins are the better story this year, but I found a small part of me rooting for Romo. I hate it when analysts and pundits act like just because an athlete hasn’t won a title yet, it is impossible that he will do so. But much like the people that have cheered him on for years, I was immediately let down by a back foot wounded duck interception. Continue reading
Chris Dorsey
Nate Raby
Joseph Kyle Schmidt
Ben Van Iten