No one is laughing now
You might not have noticed this yesterday.
After all, there was the exciting final round coverage of the Masters, or perhaps you were enjoying baseball or basketball. You could have been prepping for a Mad Men or Game of Thrones party. Surely you weren’t glued to NFL news, as anything that happens this time of the year is either horrifyingly boring or…just plain horrifying.
This would fall under that second one. Continue reading
Another year of this man’s talents wasted.
The season could only be called bittersweet for the Arizona Cardinals. How else could you classify a 10-6 team that didn’t make playoffs?
And really, the Cardinals weren’t supposed to achieve what they did. With a new coaching regime, a shaky running back, and an aging quarterback under center (FUCKING USC), no one expected Arizona to be a contender. And they were right in the end, because going 2-4 in the division is awful.
But the pieces are in place for the team to improve. The NFC West is lately considered the toughest division in football, and there has to be a little truth to it if third best team in the division still eked out 10 wins.
Now join us, stoke the still waters and be embraced by the Blessed Mother in this, a time of retrospection, a time of wonder. /Mendenhall verse. Continue reading
It’s officially baseball season. Yesterday hit 70 degrees in my neck of the woods, and here I am writing about the Rams…from last year. I suppose there have been worse punishments in human history, but I can’t think of them right now.
I’m not here just to crap on St. Louis, however. The Rams seem to be in the unfortunate position of being in the wrong division and the wrong conference at exactly the wrong time. They were wedged beneath the two best teams in football as well as the surprising 10-win Cardinals, and still managed a 7-9 record as well as finishing the season with a winning home record.
Things could have been far, far worse, considering. I mean, not worse than finishing last, but. Having lost QB Sam Bradford less than halfway through the year, the Rams had to deal with Kellen Clemens under center and no receiving corps. The defense was consistent but the schedule just a little too brutal to yield any sort of success for St. Louis, who have now failed to reach the playoffs every year since the start of the Spanish-American War, or 2004, whichever came first.
This is the Rams retrospective, so please put your catcher’s mitt away for five minutes while you read. Thank you. Continue reading
Yuck it up, horseface.
I hate the term bittersweet because it should be reserved solely for poetry about unicorns and paperback novels with shirtless Ben Van Iten-looking gods on the cover. For sports exclusively, I would like to coin the term “shittycool” instead.
It was certainly cool that the Broncos made a record-smashing run through the regular season, and cool that Peyton Manning answered all questions regarding his ability to play as a withered old man coming off neck surgery. But then, it was also supremely shitty that what was looking like the definition of a dream season for the franchise came to a skull-crushing halt in one of the most lopsided Super Bowl losses in history.
The very, very thin silver lining of the defeat was that the game was already (mercifully) over before halftime and frankly, the Seahawks looked so goddamned good in every aspect, no one team would have beat them that day.
So this right here is your Denver Broncos shittycool retrospective. Continue reading
The San Diego Chargers were a surprising breath of fresh air this season. A decent team in the middling AFC pack, the Chargers got a little bit of luck in their Week 17 overtime win against the Chiefs and found themselves in the playoffs.
Despite inconsistent play and being stuck in the same division as two of the best teams in the NFL, the Chargers rallied behind new coach Mike McCoy and Comeback Player of the Year Philip Rivers, who bounced back from one of the worst years of his career.
But for all the praise he gets, he still manages to fuck up in ways entirely unique to him. Like this gem to end the game against the Titans in Week 3:
“Well, fuck this game”
This is your 2013 Chargers retrospective. Continue reading