It’s Friday, it’s the offseason, and we’ve already written two pretty serious articles this week. How do we resolve this issue? By bringing in an amazing photograph, of course!
Fuck it, it’s Friday. LOOK AT THIS ACTUAL OAKLAND RAIDERS PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL!
LOOK AT IT!
There’s just so many amazing things here. Let’s take a look at this thing piece by piece. Continue reading
For the record, I do think this guy is a piece of shit
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. RAY RICE ONLY GOT TWO GAMES WHEN JOSH GORDON GOT A YEAR? THIS IS JUST…
Hold up, this doesn’t feel right. Let me clear my throat and try again.
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT RAY RICE ONLY GOT TWO GAMES FOR BEATING A WOMAN. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE DOES THIS SEND TO…
Sorry, sorry. One second. I was distracted. Let me try one more time.
ROGER GOODELL IS A HYPOCRITE AND AN AWFUL HUMAN BEING. I WILL NEVER GIVE MY MONEY TO ANY NFL PRODUCT ANYMORE! I HOPE YOU LIKE SEEING EMPTY SEATS AT STADIUMS, FUHRER, BECAUSE YOU’LL BE SEEING THEM EVERYWHERE, NOT JUST JACKSONVILLE! FUCK YOU AND FUCK…
Shit. I almost got through it, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend to summon the necessary outrage. Continue reading
Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay
You might have read the title of this post and thought I was being ironic.
Perhaps I was annoyed with the internet for collectively taking Dungy out to the woodshed for the last 24 hours.
Nope! Was being literal (well, not completely literal, I don’t think the entire internet should actually pile on top of him – homophobes don’t handle that kind of thing well) I think we should all pile on Tony Dungy and turn this into the PR nightmare that he deserves. In case you missed it Dungy said in an article in the Tampa Tribune that he wouldn’t have taken openly gay pass rusher Michael Sam. After all, he warned, “things will happen”.
“Things will happen.”
What the fuck does that mean? Continue reading
The NFL has ruled that Jimmy Graham is a tight end.
They went on to rule that water is wet, the sky is blue, and Jerry Jones is a terrible GM.
“This is the worst thing I’ve experienced since lining up against Aqib Talib.”
Honestly, this doesn’t change much. It might make Jimmy a little bitter at his team, but I’m sure Mickey Loomis will be able to assuage his reservations with a good deal. Honestly, this entire thing is a non-story, but since it’s the offseason, it immediately has jumped to the top of every NFL fan’s story list.
Hopefully Jimmy will get enough ice cream to keep him happy, and he’ll be eager to help the Saints going forward.
In other news, it’s July, which means we’re a month away from meaningless NFL action, and two months away from slightly less meaningless NFL action! Expect more coverage, more podcasts, and just as much snarky whining as before! The Footbawl Blog: where you get 8 months of crying in a 12 month package!
It’s been a couple of weeks since I took a look at NFL news. At this point, you’re mostly going to see reports of injuries, how rookies look in training camp, and veteran players complaining about attention rookies receive. But a few notable stories have crept their way into this offseason wasteland, and I figured we’d acknowledge them. Welcome to my favorite part of every football dead-time, I HATE THE OFFSEASON!
Done in the style of Ben’s award-winning* Monday Morning Jerkface. All headlines come courtesy of ESPN’s
sensationalist informative NFL Front Page.
Think Of How Many Headphones He Can Buy Continue reading