Category Archives: Ramblings

Because “random rant about the Broncos alternate jerseys” can’t be its own category

by | April 5, 2013 · 9:20 am

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: Regional Finals

We have made it to the regional finals! Exciting times, I know. Nate will bring you the Spygate regional final, while Ben will breakdown its Buttfumble counterpart. So that’s a sentence.

Spygate Regional Final: 1999 Rams (#1 Seed) vs. 1993 Cowboys (#3 Seed)

Emmitt celebrating his first half TD

Emmitt celebrating his first half TD

How They Got Here: The Rams cruised by the hapless 2007 Giants 31-16, then squeaked by the 2003 Patriots 26-23. The Cowboys ate the Bucs alive 34-13, then struck down the 2004 Patriots on a last-second field goal to win 13-10.

Pre-Game Hype: Most of the verbal fireworks came unexpectedly from the offensive line. Orlando Pace got asked if he was better than the members of the Cowboys’ OL, and he said, “Definitely. I think they’re dirty. Nate Newton holds on every play.” When asked to respond, Newton said, “We’re offensive linemen. We hold on every play. Why is he trying to make this interesting anyway? We’re the most boring people in football.” Continue reading →

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by | April 4, 2013 · 11:18 am

The Inevitable, and Lazy, Palmer/Warner Comparision

Carson Palmer spends a lot of free time photo-shopping himself into pictures like this.

Carson Palmer spends a lot of free time photo-shopping himself into pictures like this.

Welcome to our continuing coverage of shitty quarterback transactions!

Yesterday I was taking a look at some random articles on the NFL’s official website, and I came across this one. On the front page, the link was titled: “Will Palmer experience Warner-like resurgence?” Originally I chuckled aloud, but was ultimately relieved after clicking on it to see the author’s actual article title was, “Don’t expect Kurt Warner magic out of Carson Palmer.”

But the more I thought about the premise, the more it seemed that even posing the question is absurd. Continue reading →

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by | April 2, 2013 · 4:53 pm

QB-Insanity: A Real, Diagnosed Disease

There’s a new documented disease in the upcoming Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (also known as DSM-5). Because this is a relatively new phenomenon, not much is known about it. But I am going to attempt to cover the basics of the disease, as well as some documented high profile cases.

Overview

The disease, known as QB-Insanity, is a condition wherein the afflicted party continually makes illogical, unfounded, and plain stupid decisions in the pursuit of an NFL quarterback. The disease has, to this point, been found exclusively in football executives such as NFL owners and general managers. Continue reading →

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by | March 29, 2013 · 11:55 am

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: Second Round, Buttfumble Region

Yesterday two teams advanced to the Spygate regional final and today the other half of the final four will be determined. It has been a tense week in the FBB office as both Nate and I have a dog left in the fight, and those dogs are battling. Settle down, Michael Vick.

1996 Packers (#1 seed) vs. 2009 Saints (#5 seed)

Rison celebrating a first half TD. Like a drunk bird.

Rison celebrating a first half TD. Like a drunk bird.

How They Got Here: The Packers won comfortably against the 2012 Ravens, while the Saints pulled the biggest upset of the tournament so far and stunned the ’95 Cowboys.

Pregame Hype: The two teams seemed pretty amiable towards each other, but Nate scratched “Who Dat” into the side of my car with his keys. Continue reading →

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by | March 28, 2013 · 1:25 pm

Super Bowl Winners March Madness Tournament: Second Round, Spygate Region

Welcome to the second round of our March Madness tournament! Where twenty teams began, eight remain in the battle to see who was the best Super Bowl Winner of the past twenty years. Today we will cover the second round of the intimidating Spygate Region. Of the four remaining teams in the region, two are Patriots. That means two Bill Belichicks. We’ll be lucky to escape with our lives here.

1999 Rams (#1 Seed) vs. 2003 Patriots (#4 Seed)

How They Got Here: The Rams defeated the “happy to be even mentioned” Giants 31-16. The Patriots escaped with a close win over the 2000 Ravens.

Pre-Game Hype: Dick Vermeil went into a long, emotional speech about Bill’s coaching genius. When asked to comment, Bill Belichick grabbed a nearby lizard, lifted it to his mouth, and swallowed it whole. Tom Brady was heard saying, “I’m worried about coach’s mentality. That’s the smallest lizard I’ve seen him devour.”

And then he smiled like this, which is fucking terrifying.(Source: The Gazette)

And then he smiled like this, which is fucking terrifying.
(Source: The Gazette)

Continue reading →

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