Category Archives: The Trial of…

Our contributors put a player, coach, team, or idea on trial. You can be the jury. Or the stenographer.

The Trial Of Johnny Manziel’s Middle Finger

Okay, it's pretty funny

Okay, it’s pretty funny

If you have ESPN (or know someone who knows someone that does) then by now you have most likely become aware of the incident on Monday night where Johnny Manziel gave the Redskins the bench the middle finger.

Johnny Football faces a fine from the NFL, and the stigma of his teammates. But more important of any of that, he must now stare down the barrel of justice in our highly prestigious court room. Today the former Heisman winner faces three counts of “Forcing his Teammates to Answer a Bunch of Stupid Questions for the Rest of their Lives” and ten counts of “Dude, Seriously?” Ben Van Iten is the prosecution while Nate Raby will be handling the defense.

These are their closing statements.

=== Continue reading

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The Trial of NFL Playoff Expansion (Again)

Come on, how could you hate this money-grabbing face?

Come on, how could you hate this money-grabbing face?

It was no doubt one of the more dramatic closing weeks to the NFL regular season in recent memory, as almost every single game had playoff implications. Week 17 might be more consistently dramatic from now on because, while the league refuses to officially comment, it seems clear that we are headed for playoff expansion.

Today our prestigious court room will see the NFL put on trial. The organization is charged with seven counts of trying to water down the playoffs, and three counts of just being a bunch of money grubbing sluts with no perspective. Ben Van Iten will be handling the prosecution, while Nate Raby will defend the Shield. These are their closing statements.

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The Trial of the Kansas City Chiefs

Not even gonna wear a tie to court?

Not even gonna wear a tie to court?

There’s little doubt (unless you are in charge of Yahoo Sports’ Power Rankings, in which case you suck) that the Kansas City Chiefs belong at the top of the list of the NFL’s great teams. The only remaining undefeated team goes into this week with a 9-0 record and one of the scariest defenses in the league. They bring their unblemished record into Mile High Stadium this weekend to face the Denver Broncos, but before they do they must spend a day in our stuffy made up court room as we put them on trial. The Chiefs are accused of being a fraud, and the prosecution will try to make the case that they will lose to Denver on Sunday. Nate Raby will lead that prosecution, and Ben Van Iten will lead the defense. These are their closing statements. Continue reading

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The Trial of the Washington Redskins

Source: CBS Sports

Through two games Robert Griffin III has almost 650 passing yards and 5 touchdowns, and these are stats that on the surface seem like a sign of growth in his ability as a pocket passer. If you have watched these games however, you know that most of these yards were racked up in garbage time after his bad play put his team behind enough that the opposing defense could afford to play soft coverage during the second half. It is clear that something is wrong with RG3, but what isn’t clear is who is to blame for it. Today in the Footbawl Blog’s prestigious court room the Redskins are charged with eleven counts of mishandling the return of their franchise quarterback. We might see them in court again down the road once they are eventually charged with, “having a seriously racist ass logo, man.”

Today Ben Van Iten will be the prosecuting attorney, while Nate Raby will be handling the defense. These are their closing statements.

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The Trial of Colin Kaepernick

In a story that is another clear indication of the offseason being an abomination, Super Bowl runner up Colin Kaepernick has received a lot of flak for wearing a Miami Dolphins hat. To be honest, both sides of this trial don’t seem particularly attached to their argument, but because people complain about it enough, it’s become a story. So yeah, Nate is the prosecution, Ben is the defense, and you’re the really bored jury.

"And our top story tonight...oh Christ."

“And our top story tonight…oh Christ.”

= = =

Nate stands up and walks towards the jury, a tattered and disheveled mess.

Nate: Okay, I know we all wish we were somewhere else. It’s sunny outside, there’s probably a pool floatie with your name on it, and you’re locked in this imaginary courtroom with two guys who haven’t showered in seven weeks. Continue reading

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