There’s little doubt (unless you are in charge of Yahoo Sports’ Power Rankings, in which case you suck) that the Kansas City Chiefs belong at the top of the list of the NFL’s great teams. The only remaining undefeated team goes into this week with a 9-0 record and one of the scariest defenses in the league. They bring their unblemished record into Mile High Stadium this weekend to face the Denver Broncos, but before they do they must spend a day in our stuffy made up court room as we put them on trial. The Chiefs are accused of being a fraud, and the prosecution will try to make the case that they will lose to Denver on Sunday. Nate Raby will lead that prosecution, and Ben Van Iten will lead the defense. These are their closing statements. Continue reading
Category Archives: The Trial of…
Through two games Robert Griffin III has almost 650 passing yards and 5 touchdowns, and these are stats that on the surface seem like a sign of growth in his ability as a pocket passer. If you have watched these games however, you know that most of these yards were racked up in garbage time after his bad play put his team behind enough that the opposing defense could afford to play soft coverage during the second half. It is clear that something is wrong with RG3, but what isn’t clear is who is to blame for it. Today in the Footbawl Blog’s prestigious court room the Redskins are charged with eleven counts of mishandling the return of their franchise quarterback. We might see them in court again down the road once they are eventually charged with, “having a seriously racist ass logo, man.”
Today Ben Van Iten will be the prosecuting attorney, while Nate Raby will be handling the defense. These are their closing statements.
In a story that is another clear indication of the offseason being an abomination, Super Bowl runner up Colin Kaepernick has received a lot of flak for wearing a Miami Dolphins hat. To be honest, both sides of this trial don’t seem particularly attached to their argument, but because people complain about it enough, it’s become a story. So yeah, Nate is the prosecution, Ben is the defense, and you’re the really bored jury.
= = =
Nate stands up and walks towards the jury, a tattered and disheveled mess.
Nate: Okay, I know we all wish we were somewhere else. It’s sunny outside, there’s probably a pool floatie with your name on it, and you’re locked in this imaginary courtroom with two guys who haven’t showered in seven weeks. Continue reading
As you may have heard, Roger Goodell is considering expanding the playoff field from 12 to 14 or 16, an announcement that has been met with widespread criticism. Like most decisions in pro sports, this will come down to the money and if it is profitable enough many expect this change to go through in the next few seasons. But before the owners officially vote on it, we’d like to put the potential change on trial in our prestigious court of football law. Ben Van Iten will be handling the prosecution, while Nate Raby will be taking care of the defense. Continue reading
The good news for the Patriots is they are in first place in the AFC East. The bad news, however, is much like the rest of the conference their record is hovering right around .500 and from week to week no one has any idea what to expect from them. Today they stand trial in our prestigious fictional court room, facing several counts of “being an average team”. The entitled fan base has been rioting outside the court house for days, screaming profanities in cliché accents in anticipation of this high profile trial. Ben Van Iten will head up the prosecution, while Nate Raby will be handling the defense.
Below you will find a transcription of the lawyer’s closing arguments.