Category Archives: Your Favorite…

Nate breaks down why the team, player, or owner you like…well, sucks.

Your Favorite Team Sucks: The San Francisco 49ers

We’re not going to spend a long time on this one, because it’s about as obvious as a football to the head.

Thanks Colin!

We knew they’d be bad after Harbaugh and most of the defense left. We didn’t think they’d be this awful. There’s no protection, there’s no penetration, there’s no run game, there’s no confidence in the quarterback, there’s no leadership, and there’s no hope that things will get better any time soon.

But there are funny gifs, and that’s about as good as it gets for San Francisco.

Your favorite team is the Niners, and they suck.

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Reputations are Important, But O’Brien Needs to Continue to Earn His

Sometimes reputations are more important than reality in the NFL. Players, teams, and coaches get a snapshot, a byline on their memoir that they can live off of. An example: even though Sean Payton has been conservative over the last three or so years, he still has the reputation as a risky coach because of his previous exploits. Sometimes the truth gets lost in the reputation, and players and coaches can live off of this reputation for a long time before that reputation changes.

Something tells me Bill O’Brien’s reputation is changing right now. Continue reading

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A Tale of Two Rookies; Or, the New Orleans Saints Suck Elephant Balls

For the sake of this story, let’s just take the Drew Brees injury and toss it right out the window. Just pretend it never happened. If you’re a Saints fan I bet you’re already doing that anyway. So keep drinking and keep ignoring reality. As a New Orleanian, I can attest to how easy that is!

As any high schooler can tell you, there are a few things you need to have when running an experiment. You have to have a hypothesis, or idea you can test. We’ll get to that in a second.

You also have to have variables. Different situations you create to see if your hypothesis holds up. Our variables are going to be two rookie quarterbacks: Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota. We’re going to judge their performance over the past two weeks and see if it supports our hypothesis.

You need a control too. I don’t think we have one of those. Or maybe the quarterbacks are the control. Look, I haven’t taken a science class in a long time, okay? Point is, we’re going to look at the two rookies and see if our hypothesis is true. Our hypothesis?

The New Orleans Saints suck Elephant Balls.

Yeah, Sean's not gonna like this.

Yeah, Sean’s not gonna like this.

Okay, let’s begin! Continue reading

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Your Favorite Team Sucks: The Chicago Bears

I want to start this off by saying that I understand.

I understand why the Bears signed Jay Cutler to an extension. I understand why they didn’t just roll the dice with Josh McCown. Quarterback is a tricky position, and if you have a guy who is good enough, you don’t get rid of him for the mystery. The quarterbacks who could have replaced Cutler were no guarantee to be better, or even comparable. Getting rid of a quarterback with talent is one of the hardest things for a franchise to do. So I completely understand.

But at the same time, sometimes you’re in a situation where you lose no matter what you do.

And that’s where your favorite team finds itself. No matter what the Bears do, they suck.

Just one of many great results of my "Bears suck" google search

Just one of many great results of my “Bears suck” google search

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Your Favorite Player Sucks: Cam Newton

I’ve really tried to avoid this all year. I knew that when it eventually happened, it would just come off as a fan of a division rival hating. In fact, I’ll double categorize this as Haters Gonna Hate too, just for full disclosure.

But I can’t ignore it anymore. We have to deal with the elephant in the room. The elephant who is built more like a mountain lion/gazelle hybrid. The elephant who is a Panther. The elephant who was an Auburn Tiger.

Sorry, I confused myself with too many animals.

Your favorite player is Cam Newton, and your favorite player sucks.

"So hey, uh...what you doing after the game?" (Source: ESPN)

“So hey, uh…what you doing after the game?”
(Source: ESPN)

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