Category Archives: Your Favorite…

Nate breaks down why the team, player, or owner you like…well, sucks.

Your Favorite Team Sucks: The Chicago Bears

I want to start this off by saying that I understand.

I understand why the Bears signed Jay Cutler to an extension. I understand why they didn’t just roll the dice with Josh McCown. Quarterback is a tricky position, and if you have a guy who is good enough, you don’t get rid of him for the mystery. The quarterbacks who could have replaced Cutler were no guarantee to be better, or even comparable. Getting rid of a quarterback with talent is one of the hardest things for a franchise to do. So I completely understand.

But at the same time, sometimes you’re in a situation where you lose no matter what you do.

And that’s where your favorite team finds itself. No matter what the Bears do, they suck.

Just one of many great results of my "Bears suck" google search

Just one of many great results of my “Bears suck” google search

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Your Favorite Player Sucks: Cam Newton

I’ve really tried to avoid this all year. I knew that when it eventually happened, it would just come off as a fan of a division rival hating. In fact, I’ll double categorize this as Haters Gonna Hate too, just for full disclosure.

But I can’t ignore it anymore. We have to deal with the elephant in the room. The elephant who is built more like a mountain lion/gazelle hybrid. The elephant who is a Panther. The elephant who was an Auburn Tiger.

Sorry, I confused myself with too many animals.

Your favorite player is Cam Newton, and your favorite player sucks.

"So hey, uh...what you doing after the game?" (Source: ESPN)

“So hey, uh…what you doing after the game?”
(Source: ESPN)

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Your Favorite Player Sucks: Josh McCown

We here at The Footbawl Blog hate the offseason. We attack it every chance we get. To us, it is like being dropped in a desert wasteland with no food, no water, and a cell phone that can only play the worst play in our team’s history over and over again.

But for some teams, the offseason is a wonderful time. It’s a place where expectations have not yet met reality, and fans and experts alike are allowed to rampantly speculate about how good or bad a team will be. For the most part, the expectations come true, and we can pat ourselves on the shoulder for our knowledge and insight.

In some cases, it can go very, very wrong, and that can be very, very bad.

So is the tale of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Continue reading

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Your Favorite Player Sucks: Tom Brady

He won three Super Bowl rings and brought Boston football to prominence.

He has the most playoff wins of all time.

He’s etched his name in the record books with some of the best players to ever play the game.

He’s hated everywhere for his amazing life, his good looks, his supermodel wife and the fact that he wins all the time.

But today, Tom Brady has two things in common with me, a worthless snark-ass blogger. One, we’re both going to watch the Super Bowl rather than play in it. Two, we don’t look manly on waterslides.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Your Favorite Player is Tom Brady, and he sucks. Continue reading

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Your Favorite Team Sucks: The Oakland Raiders

Imagine you’re thirteen years old and it’s almost Christmas. You know the truth about Santa, but it’s still a very exciting time of year for you, because, hey, fuckin’ presents. Your mom tells you that money is tight this year, so you shouldn’t expect much more than a nice pair of socks. And you’re somewhat disappointed, but you’re old enough to understand that these things happen, and you’ve resigned yourself to socks. At least they’ll be a nice pair, right?

But then a week before Christmas, you’re in Wal*Mart with your mom and you go off to look at some movies. When you walk around trying to find your mom, you see her near the toy section with a big package she won’t let you see. And then you realize – sneaky mom! She was just playing a trick on you, and you’re going to get an awesome gift after all! Fuck socks!

So now it’s Christmas morning, and you can barely contain your excitement. You don’t see the big package under the tree, but you figure this is part of the trick; she’s going to bring it out when all the presents are unwrapped. But then, before you know it, no more presents are under the tree, and you’re holding a pair of stupid socks in your hand. And then you realize that present wasn’t for you, your mom was just being sneaky for no reason, and Christmas is a fucking joke because all you have is a smelly pair of socks.

This is what being a fan of the Oakland Raiders is like.

"What the fuck, mom?" (source: NFL.com)

“What the fuck, mom?” (source: NFL.com)

Your Favorite Team is the Oakland Raiders, and they suck. Continue reading

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