We told you about last time Fred Smoot got on reddit to shoot the shit, and he’s back with even more hilarity. Seriously may be the funniest sports personality we’ve got. Take it away, Fred! Continue reading
“Well, you guys have a quarterback who’s just okay and gets intermittently hyped and hated depending on the day. So, hey, perfect fucking fit.”
“One time Mike put the ball in my hands in overtime, 4th and 1 on our own 30 yard line. It showed he had a ton of confidence and really made me feel great. Then…well, then I didn’t make it. That wasn’t great. And it was kind of an idiotic decision. But hey, if I had made it, we would have…had 70 yards to go to score. But…um…”
“You want to hire Mike Smith…as a head coach? This is my only reaction:”
“This has got to be a prank right? Why do you think I left?”
“Sounds like a great idea. Seriously. What are you waiting for? What…no I didn’t play for him. Why do you ask?”
It’s good to know Stephen Ross understands football. I eagerly look forward to the Don Shula re-hiring.
NEW YORK – Following Sunday’s game against the Carolina Panthers, the New York Giants have received a letter from NFL League Offices announcing an investigation to the claim that receiver Odell Beckham, Jr. has a head filled entirely with ramen noodles. This comes to light after the incidents on the field Sunday where Beckham repeatedly attacked an opposing player for doing his job well. But it seems that the NFL’s case goes beyond just Beckham’s questionable conduct on the field.
“We always suspected there was something off with Beckham’s head when we first saw him take his helmet off,” the statement read. “There was clearly an overflow of some kind of uncooked noodles on top of his head.
“But his actions on Sunday indicate that where most people have a brain that controls decision-making and impulse control, Beckham may simply have a double batch of ramen noodles. No official results will be revealed until an investigation is complete, however.”
Part of the suspicion came from interviews with Josh Norman, the cornerback who was the target of Beckham’s helmet-to-helmet hit on Sunday.
“It was really weird, man,” Norman said, appearing healthier than he ever has been. “He launched his head right into mine, and usually that means lights out. But I didn’t even fall, and honestly it didn’t feel like a big blow or anything. It just kind of felt like a really stiff wind that takes you by surprise and almost knocks you over. But then you realize that you’re a human and it’s just wind, so you man the fuck up and don’t fall. So honestly it wouldn’t surprise me if he had some noodles up in his head, yeah.”
The last bit of evidence has to do with a source from Beckham’s team itself, where a player reported that Beckham’s nickname in locker room is “Yakisoba.” However, the same player says that he isn’t sure the origin of the nickname, and that he assumed it was just a family name.
The NFL will report its findings later this week, and Beckham may be suspended as a result. The handbook explicitly forbids players from playing a game with a head full of any food except for Papa Johns Pizza.
When asked for a quote, Roger Goodell only said, “My main question is what seasoning packet he’s using. It appears to be chicken, but it could be shrimp as well.”
Some of you may not know that in my private time, I run an advice column called Dear Uncle Nate where I listen to people’s problems and give well-thought, meaningful solutions. It’s a specialized column, because it seems that only NFL players and coaches write me questions. It’s obvious that my experience as a loud, unshowered blogger has impressed everyone. With great power comes great responsibility, so it’s time to throw away the loofa and answer some questions!