This Text is On Fire: The Seahawks TOTALLY Lost Because Marshawn Won’t Talk to the Media

My favorite thing to do during Super Bowl celebrations is watch when the cameramen switch off of the happy, jumping, shouting victorious team and focuses instead on the forlorn, agonized, deflated losing team. I like to see the sadness, not because I’m an awful person with an overheightened sense of Schadenfreude, but because I like to see the instant, raw reaction from these gladiators. It makes them more human.

Okay, maybe just a liiiiittle schadenfreude

Mostly I was looking to see how Marshawn Lynch reacted to the loss. Not because he was supposed to get the ball (although he was); but I wanted to see if Lynch realized what we all in the media knew from the start.

This loss is on him for not talking during media day. Continue reading

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Monday Morning Jerkface: Super Bowl Edition!

"In your face, Wilson" - God

“In your face, Wilson” – God

You peer over your laptop at the last few guests left at the Super Bowl party.

“Well, that was a fun season,” you overheard someone say, as they packed up their chips and dip.

“Was?” you ask.

“Well yeah, it’s over.”

“IT’S NEVER OVER!” you scream, and turn your laptop towards the frightened guests.

“What’s that?” Bob manages to utter.

“IT’S THE NAMES AND MEASUREABLES OF EVERYONE THAT WILL BE AT THE COMBINE! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! IT NEVER ENDS! PRAISE BE TO GOODELL!”

“Uh…”

“I THINK THE BENGALS ARE GOING TO GO LINEBACKER IN THE FOURTH ROUND!”

The guests are running now. Maybe they are getting in line for the combine early?

This is Monday Morning Jerkface. Continue reading

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The Fourth Annual Footbawl Blog End of Season Awards!

We spared...expense

We spared…expense

Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Fourth Annual End of Season Awards! We’ve been at this for quite a while, and our hard work has finally paid off! Here to host our awards is none other than comedy legend Seth Meyers!

Seth Meyers: Hey, guys! Excited to be here. Let’s start this off right. I was giving the Patriots a ride to the awards show here, but we were a little late. Apparently our tires were deflated.

Nate: GET OUT.

Seth Meyers: Thanks you’ve been a great crowd!

Nate: Okay, let’s start the stupid award show already. Continue reading

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Enough of Deflategate, LET’S TALK FOOTBALL!

Okay, guys. The Super Bowl is in 5 days. It’s time to talk about the game, man. No more energy wasted on this stupid scandal about footballs and air pressure and evil empires. It’s about Seattle and New England, man. Wilson and Brady. Belichick and Carroll. (Nevermind, scratch that “no evil” thing.)

"Good. Good. The Force is strong with you. A powerful Sith you will become." (source: insidesocial.com)

“Good. Good. The Force is strong with you. A powerful Sith you will become.”
(source: insidesocial.com)

Let’s try to look at the actual upcoming game without worrying about all that nonsense that has dominated the airwaves since two Sundays ago. Continue reading

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Quick Rant: YES, TOM, WE KNOW THE PATRIOTS AREN’T TERRORISTS, THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT

Sorry for the lack of activity. I was waiting for someone to say something stupid.

“This isn’t ISIS” (source: business insider)

Thanks, Tom! Continue reading

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