Take a Deep Breath About the Dalton Contract, Sheeple

Not pictured: his brand new 100k socks!

Not pictured: his brand new 100k socks!

Yesterday when it was announced that Andy Dalton had signed a 6 year, 115 million dollar contract with the Bengals and the internet collectively lost its shit.

The snark infested waters of twitter got even meaner than usual…

…but yet, was this really that bad a deal for Cincinnati? Continue reading

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Fuck It, It’s Friday: LOOKIN’ GOOD, SCHAUBSTER

It’s Friday, it’s the offseason, and we’ve already written two pretty serious articles this week. How do we resolve this issue? By bringing in an amazing photograph, of course!

Fuck it, it’s Friday. LOOK AT THIS ACTUAL OAKLAND RAIDERS PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL!

LOOK AT IT!

LOOK AT IT!

There’s just so many amazing things here. Let’s take a look at this thing piece by piece. Continue reading

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The NFL Doesn’t Care About Spousal Abuse? Excuse Me For Not Being Shocked…Or Enraged

For the record, I do think this guy is a piece of shit

For the record, I do think this guy is a piece of shit

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE. RAY RICE ONLY GOT TWO GAMES WHEN JOSH GORDON GOT A YEAR? THIS IS JUST…

Hold up, this doesn’t feel right. Let me clear my throat and try again.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT RAY RICE ONLY GOT TWO GAMES FOR BEATING A WOMAN. WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE DOES THIS SEND TO…

Sorry, sorry. One second. I was distracted. Let me try one more time.

ROGER GOODELL IS A HYPOCRITE AND AN AWFUL HUMAN BEING. I WILL NEVER GIVE MY MONEY TO ANY NFL PRODUCT ANYMORE! I HOPE YOU LIKE SEEING EMPTY SEATS AT STADIUMS, FUHRER, BECAUSE YOU’LL BE SEEING THEM EVERYWHERE, NOT JUST JACKSONVILLE! FUCK YOU AND FUCK…

Shit. I almost got through it, but I can’t do it. I can’t pretend to summon the necessary outrage. Continue reading

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Hey Internet: Let’s Pile on Tony Dungy!

Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay

Dungy, pictured here, just reflecting about how glad he is not to be gay

You might have read the title of this post and thought I was being ironic.

Perhaps I was annoyed with the internet for collectively taking Dungy out to the woodshed for the last 24 hours.

Nope! Was being literal (well, not completely literal, I don’t think the entire internet should actually pile on top of him – homophobes don’t handle that kind of thing well) I think we should all pile on Tony Dungy and turn this into the PR nightmare that he deserves. In case you missed it Dungy said in an article in the Tampa Tribune that he wouldn’t have taken openly gay pass rusher Michael Sam. After all, he warned, “things will happen”.

“Things will happen.”

What the fuck does that mean? Continue reading

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Laces Out Episode Nine: Sponsored by Arm & Hammer Baking Soda!

On Thursday night, Ben and I got together to record our thoughts on the Jimmy Graham decision, fantasy football and how it makes one of us want to quit forever, and then we spend some time talking about NBA Free Agency. Keep in mind, this was recorded before LeBron made his decision, so it’s a little outdated. And when that Nate guy says he thinks LeBron is going to stay in Miami, remember that he was just joking!

Stream is below. Enjoy!

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