NFL MVP Odds: Let’s Create The Most Realistic Scenario Where Tony Romo Wins MVP

Okay first off, all of the quarterbacks have to go.

green bay

“Death by snuusnuu”

honduras qb died

The gator said Brees tastes like Jimmy John’s

pittsburgh qb

Remember, we’re shooting for realism here

Tom Brady

“NFLPA can do nothing about it because they literally have no power at all.”

I didn’t kill off Andrew Luck because, come on, he’s overrated.

As for the other positions:

rb detroit dallas

And finally, JJ Watt was found…no, that’s not true. He just plays defense. He’ll never win because he plays defense.

Enjoy your trophy, Tony!

The only thing that wasn’t shopped. How crazy is that?

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We’re Back

The cook at my work cafeteria is a friendly guy. Every time I walk into the cafeteria to fill up my water bottle, he needs to have something to say beyond “good morning.” Through our few years of acquaintanceship, however, he has only gleaned one fact about me, and it is the only thing he ever wants to talk about.

“Football coming soon, huh?”

He’s said that for about two months now, back when it was laughably inaccurate. Every time he’s brought it up, I nod and affirm that I was ready for football to return. For at least 59 of those ~60 days, though, this has been a lie.

I wasn’t ready for football, Hank Jr. be damned.

“Well that’s pretty Unamerican.” – HWJ

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Arguing With Myself: The Jimmy Graham Trade

Some may know that Nate Raby is a devoted Saints fan. What you may not know is that he is absolutely insane and has arguments with himself on a consistent basis. Today he’s feeling particularly argumentative over the Jimmy Graham trade. Let’s meet our competitors:

On one side is Jimmy Graham Fan Nate (Jimmy Nate for short). He’s wearing a Graham jersey and is standing next to a goalpost that he will be periodically dunking on/breaking during the debate.

So like this, but less athletic (source: draftsharks.com)

So like this, but less athletic (source: draftsharks.com)

On the other side is Saints Fan Nate. He is wearing a polo with the Saints logo on it. He purchased it at an official team store for almost $100. That shows dedication (or just a lot of stupidity.)

Let’s begin! Continue reading

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The Disease That Killed the San Francisco 49ers

We gather here today to pay our respects to the dearly departed San Francisco 49er organization, which has collapsed under the weight of front office egos. The cause of death is long-term illness that attacked the franchise on all sides. This sort of sickness is unprecedented, so all we can do is break down the different ailments that the Niners have incurred in the past few months of this surprisingly quick-moving disease. Continue reading

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What City (‘s Retirement Community) Will Andre Johnson Go To?

As you may have heard, Andre Johnson and the Texans have reached a deal: the team will try to find a trade partner and barring that (you should definitely bar that, it will never happen), they will release him so he can go where he wants.

There are tons of cities that would be really happy to have a man of Andre Johnson’s wealth and stature. But not for their football team. Good Lord, no! He’s almost 80 in football years.

Below is a list of possible destinations for Andre based on their retirement communities and weather. Continue reading

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