Tag Archives: kansas

So, apparently we’ve got a Chiefs fan in our readership.

Hey Adam. You ready? I’d say “let’s have some fun,” but let’s be honest. We’re talking about the Chiefs; we know there won’t be any fun involved. So let’s just get into it.

The 2011 Chiefs were supposed to build on a very promising 2010 by not only winning the division, but winning it convincingly. They seemingly had all the tools to do it, starting with talented and underutilized running back Jamaal Charles.

You know how this story ends. Charles got hurt in the second game, and from there the Chiefs’ offense took a nosedive. And from that point on, everyone discovered what every smart football fan already knew; that Todd Haley was a product of Ken Whisenhunt’s system, and he just wasn’t very good at all. Even though the Chiefs battled back from three straight losses to be 4-3 after Week 8, they couldn’t consistently put points on the scoreboard to win games.

More than any other team, I blame the Chiefs for the Broncos rise to the playoffs, because this was supposed to be the Chiefs’ division to win. And I’ll never forgive you for that, Adam.

This is the Chiefs 2011 retrospecitve.

The less offensive version of the Redskins! (But still, you know, kind of offensive)

Team Highlight: I really wanted to say the 28-0 win over the Raiders, which was impressive. They forced 6 interceptions and basically started the Raiders’ downturn on the season. But when a team comes into your city 13-0, and leaves 13-1, that’s going to be your best win. It may not have been an offensive explosion – in fact, the Chiefs only scored one touchdown – but they did what no other team was able to do last year in the regular season: they kept Aaron Rodgers in check. The MVP completed less than 50% of his passes, only threw for 235 yards, and was sacked 4 times. I remember that day fondly; it was the day I had to call Ben and tell him not to jump, because they’d still make the Super Bowl. Sorry for lying, Ben!

Team Lowlight: I should put losing to Tim Tebow here. But 6 other teams did that too, so instead I’ll focus on a somewhat less painful loss. In back to back weeks, the Chiefs were drubbed to start the season. They lost 48-3 in Week 2 to the Lions, where they gave up 6 turnovers and barely threw for 100 yards. But that was to a playoff team, so at least it was sort of understandable. The week before, they lost 41-7 to the Bills. TO THE BILLS. “But Nate,” you say, “The Bills looked legitimate at that time!” That’s a good point. Allow me a rebuttal: IT WAS THE BILLS.

"You want me to play quarterback too? It'd probably work out better than Tyler Palko."

Team MVP: Well it’s certainly not going to be anyone on the offense, that’s for sure. When you are 31^st in the league in points and 27^th in yards, there are a lot of words you can use to describe your players, but “valuable” ain’t one of ‘em. Instead I’m going on the other side of the ball. Pro Bowler Tamba Hali got 12 sacks, forced 4 fumbles, and pressured quarterbacks all season long. He anchored a defense that was actually pretty good. The Chiefs would actually be a great team if their offense was more than Dwayne Bowe and the 3-and-outs (which, by the way, is an excellent name for a 40s swing band.)

Needs: They need help on the pass rush, and maybe a inside linebacker that excels in the 3-4. They need a better offensive line. But more than anything, they need another playmaker somewhere on offense. Whether it’s Jamaal Charles coming back or a wide receiver to take pressure off of Bowe, they need SOMETHING that other teams have to gameplan for. Because right now it’s Bowe or bust, and last year it was much more bust than Bowe.

In their rush to get Todd Haley out of Kansas City, they didn't let him clear out his locker. This is what was left.

What’s in a Chiefs Fan’s Fridge: Last year it was certainly Nighttrain, because Chiefs fans needed something strong and cheap to take the edge off, and because Todd Haley looked like a smelly hobo. But this year, with Romeo Crennel classing things up a bit, maybe they’ll switch to Four Loko.

Jango Scale of Scandal Likelihood:

Ugh, this fucking scale.

The Chiefs are boring. And I have to say, I fucking hate this scale. I miss the Straight Cash Homey Meter. I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU, RANDY! YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BRING BALANCE TO THE FORCE, NOT LEAVE IT IN DARKNESS! YOU WERE MY BROTHER, RANDY! I LOVED YOU!

Entirely Too Early Prediction for 2012: Who the hell knows? Manning being in the division changes a lot. I think the Chiefs will be a better team in 2012 than they were in 2011, but the schedule isn’t easy. Let’s say 6-10 with a possible 8-8 to aspire to.

Tomorrow Chris is going to cover the Oakland Raiders, the team that I will forever associate with Bubb Rubb. The whistles go wooo!