Tag Archives: Rex Ryan

by | September 26, 2012 · 4:35 pm

Overreaction Wednesday: SOMEBODY GOT HURT THERE MUST BE A BOUNTY ON HIM

Out of respect to his weight loss, I won’t even make the easy “hot sauce” association joke.

We knew it would happen.

Now that the bounty scandal is completely at the forefront of our minds this football season, everything comes into question.

“Did the Jets mean to hurt Reggie Bush?”

“What did Rex Ryan mean by hot sauce?”

Last year, this wouldn’t have even made ESPN New York, let alone the flagship’s front page. But now, because the Saints were “caught” doing something “illegal,” every hit is questioned. Continue reading →

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by | January 3, 2012 · 12:57 pm

Your Favorite Team Sucks: The New York Jets

Let’s get this out of the way: the New York Jets mostly suck because they make it easy to make fun of them.

Yes, it’s easy. Yes, everything’s been said before. Yes, I probably won’t be breaking new ground with this article. Yes, I’m sorry to Matt Lubchansky, my favorite Jets fan.

But the Jets suck. And the reason the Jets suck isn’t just that they suck.

It’s that they suck loudly.

Google image of "suck loudly NFL" didn't bring Rex up til Page 8. Fireman Ed was front page though

Not all of this is due to Rex Ryan. But I can’t bring up the term “suck loudly” without touching on the coach with the big defense and bigger mouth. Honestly, I’ve never really had a problem with Rex talking a big game, especially when the Jets continued to roll on and do well in the playoffs. But like what happens with any cute story, it stops getting cute when the results stop coming. And with every loss, it seemed that Rex got louder; not once did he put his wife’s foot in his mouth or let his team speak for themselves. And each time, a loss made his words look ridiculous.

But more than just their coach, the loud sucking has to do with their location. They are in the middle of intense media coverage, so they’re going to be a story no matter what. ESPN has its own New York web site, and it would be a little odd if they covered stories on the Giants, Knicks, Yankees, Islanders, and NOT the Jets (there are more NY teams, I know, but it hurts my fingers to type them all). So a lot of that sucking is going to be amplified by a city that voices its displeasure over a megaphone.

ESPN New York: Emphasizing non-stories since 2009

Are the 2011 Jets the only team to have chemistry problems in the locker room? I’d venture to say no. I’d also venture to say that there are 31 other teams in the league that have chemistry problems in the locker room, at least small ones. Fights break out at practice all the time. But when you play in New York, those fights are bigger. In fact, a lot of things are better. Take Santonio Holmes’ head, for instance!

The New York jets suck because, like the Cowboys, they are going to get press whether they win or lose. And the press on them losing is so much less fun than when they win. I am definitely a master at Schaedenfreude, but I can’t take delight in the Jets’ faltering, and again that’s the media’s fault. Because it’s not like the Jets are some great historical championship team. They’re an also ran that just so happens to be in the biggest market in the country. These past few years have been different, but hey, the Saints are historically bad too. A few good years doesn’t change that.

So the synthesis of these previous points come to this: the main reason the Jets suck is that they really haven’t been all that great, but because of the past two years, them playing poorly is a story when it probably shouldn’t be. The Jets of 2009 and 2010 were teams that ran the ball and defended well enough to hide Mark Sanchez’s cornucopia of flaws. They also benefitted from Jim Caldwell making a dumb timeout at a critical time and what is now known as the Patriots’ annual shit-the-bed playoff game. The Jets of 2011 can’t do any of that. That’s where the story should end.

And with Mark Sanchez making this face. Always.

But because of the extra attention, we get all these little stories about Santonio Holmes not being a good leader and Mark Sanchez not working hard enough and Rex Ryan valuing Manning over Sanchez in a completely hypothetical situation. Why does any of that matter? Why can’t we all just accept that the Jets are a mediocre team who play in a Patriots-dominated division, and whatever they do above 6-10 is gravy?

Look at the Chargers. That’s another team who has been in the playoffs for the past few years, hasn’t quite gotten to the Super Bowl, and has had good defense before having a pretty bad year. They both are 8-8, they both are second in their division, and they both have tons of problems. But what do you hear from the Chargers? “Norv Turner needs to be fired yesterday.” And that’s not a new story! No one needs to run 400 articles on why the Chargers failed, because in San Diego people are surfing, and going to the zoo, and enjoying 70 degree weather in January.

Except for that time T-Rex came through their city. That sucked.

So yes, the New York Jets suck. But I don’t feel as angry towards them as I do towards other sucky teams. In fact, I kind of feel bad that they get overwhelming negativity that I don’t think they really deserve.

But I do like making fun of them, especially Sanchez. And I’m surprised I only made one foot fetish joke. HEY EVERYONE REX RYAN’S WIFE MAKES FETISH VIDEOS AND IT’S FUNNY AND WEIRD.

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by | January 2, 2012 · 10:44 am

Monday Morning Jerkface: Week 17

Even though the playoff match-ups are all set it still feels like they might change while I’m sleeping, one final prank from a completely unpredictable NFL season.  A lot of these playoff match-ups were shaped by week 17 outcomes, and a lot of these outcomes left me with plenty of people to ridicule so let’s get going on that!

"It was that guy's fault!"

How the East Was Won

Sorry, that was the best headline I had.

In New Jerseylast night we saw a microcosm of the Dallas Cowboys’ season.  A sluggish start, followed by a promising stretch, but ultimately fell short in the end.  The media will tend to oversimplify things and point to the Eli vs. Romo match-up, and it is fair to say that Manning outplayed his counterpart thoroughly.  But the Dallas defense was frequently in the wrong place, and seemed to forget how to tackle.  There were also three Giants fumbles that Dallas had the chance to fall on, and in all three instances they found a unique way to not recover the ball.  It is frequently said that the Dallas Cowboys are a very talented team, but is that really the case?  Or do they just have a few big names that we tend to focus on?  Do they have a great pass rush just because they have arguably the game’s best pass rusher?  I would argue no.  Romo needs to get more consistent, but I don’t think the blame for this season should be laid at his feet alone.

On the flip side, the Giants are already being called “this years Green Bay Packers”, aka a team that squeaked into the playoffs without a great record that seems to be peaking at the right time.  But the pessimist in me can’t help but think that Eli has one more dud of a game left in him this season, as he has been about as inconsistent as Romo this season when you really look at the games objectively.  People are just quicker to forgive him because of our obsession with late game heroics (and last names.)

Hue Jackson is pissed off!

I mean, really pissed off.  I know so because he said it about 47 times.  Click here to read a re-cap of his hilarious postgame press conference after the Raiders’ loss to San Diego.  My favorite part is where he throws his players under the bus by basically saying that losses don’t fall on the coaching staff, but the men on the field.  And then he is quick to say that he always puts everything on himself.  Riiiiight.

Much like the Detroit Lions have adopted their coach’s reckless angry streak, perhaps the Raiders have adopted their head man’s lack of accountability. Hue was one of the biggest proponents of the trade for Carson Palmer because he thought that the group that they had already assembled was ready to win right now.  That is obviously not the case.  So now a team that is missing its fair share of pieces will have no first round draft pick to address any of these issues.

I think the Raiders fans have reason to be pissed off too; at the players, coaches, and management.

F! A! I! L! FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

Yeah that about sums it up

This year Rex Ryan set out to prove that his Jets were the big brother in the city of New York, and in the AFC East.  He failed on both accounts.  If you would have traveled back in time and told Rex at the beginning of the season that they were going to lose the finale against the Dolphins in sluggish fashion he probably would have said, “Well I’m sure we were resting the starters because we had home field locked up”.  In all actuality it was a must win game to grab the last wildcard spot and his quarterback let him down again.

Mark Sanchez threw three interceptions, two of them to a defensive lineman!  These kind of efforts from Mark have been becoming the rule more than the exception, and all year we have heard Rex saying that this is their guy, and they wouldn’t want anyone else running the show, etc.  But at this point I can’t even imagine that Mark believes that anymore.  Unlike the previously discussed Raiders, this is a team that has the pieces in place to win a championship right now.  But not with this quarterback.  If Mark hasn’t already wore out his welcome in New York, his leash is going to be short next year.

So anyway, Matt Flynn

Packers back-up QB Matt Flynn had 480 yards and 6 touchdowns on Sunday, both team records.

Yeah that really happened.

I’ve already heard the argument that this hurts Rodgers MVP chances from a few sources, because how valuable can a player be if his back-up can come in and do this?  And to those people I would say, “meh”.  It isn’t a ridiculous point to make, but I don’t think I completely buy it.  We get so wrapped up in the short term, the week to week, that a lot of perspective is usually lost.  This is only the second start of Matt Flynn’s career and while he has looked good in both of them, it is hard to really estimate how good a QB is with this small of a sample size.  Would a lot of quarterbacks thrive in this offense or did he just have two good games?  We will probably never know for certain.  And then there is this quote from head coach Mike McCarthy: “We went no-huddle exclusively in the first half, and Aaron Rodgers called it over the headsets — the whole first half.  I wanted him mentally into this game, prepared and able to operate as if he was playing.”  Matt Flynn played a game for the ages, but Rodgers had a part of it to be sure.

Aaron has played at a ridiculously high level for basically the entire season has kept the turnovers (only six picks) to a minimum.  He doesn’t have any game killing interceptions.  Let me restate that: not one time this entire season did he throw an interception that put his team in a position to lose a football game.  Voting for Drew Brees for MVP isn’t wrong; he has had an incredible record breaking season.  Voting for Tom Brady isn’t wrong, he has had no deep threats and still put together several signature game winning drives.  Both of them would be fine MVP’s, they just don’t have my vote.  But hey, I’m kind of biased!

Either way, Matt Flynn is about to get paid in a big way by someone.  And good for him.

Other Stuff

-Tim Tebow played the Kansas City Chiefs two different times this season, and in those two games he completed a grand total of eight passes.  I don’t even need to make a joke here.  Now they play the Pittsburgh defense in the first round of the playoffs.  James Harrison hates children, puppies, rainbows, and Tim Tebow.

-The Rams have fired head coach Steve Spagnuolo and GM Bill Devaney after a disappointing 2-14 season.  I picked them to win the division this year and if they would have only won 12 more games they could have made me look like a genius!  Just needed a few breaks here and there and a bunch of better players.

-The Houston Texans put their fourth QB of the season on the field on Sunday after TJ Yates suffered an injury to his non throwing shoulder.  Jake Delhomme looked alright in the second half on Sunday, but it sounds like Yates will be fine for their wildcard game against the Bengals.

-The Ravens actually won a road game against a decent team on Sunday, which lead several Baltimore fans to think this at the exact same time: “OMG WHY DIDN’T YOU HAVE FLACCO THROW THE BALL 60 TIMES IN A CLOSE GAME AGAIN CAUSE THAT MADE SENSE.  THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GIVE THE BALL TO RAY RICE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!”

Don’t forget to come back this week for plenty of playoff coverage!

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by | December 28, 2011 · 10:00 am

Head Coach Hot Seats

It is inevitable at this time of the year that the term “hot seat” starts getting mentioned entirely too often.  Tis’ the season for owner overreactions and angry radio station call-ins.  With that in mind I thought I’d take a look at all the coaches that are in danger of losing their jobs and decide whether or not I would fire them.  I don’t want to make the case that I should be an owner however, because let’s face it; I’m always at risk of going on a bender and renaming my franchise the Dung Beetles.  (Note: I’m excluding interim coaches as I’m making the assumption that they will be replaced.) 

Raheem Morris, Tampa Bay Buccaneers: It seems like I’m in the minority here, but I wouldn’t fire Raheem.  Keep in mind that this is his third year on the job.  The second year he lead the Bucs to a 10-6 record and got some buzz as a coach of the year candidate.  In the last year did he forget how to coach?  I doubt it.  Could he have coached better?  Of course.  But I’m almost never in favor of firing a coach a year removed from a good season unless there is an extreme situation.  Now if they come out and go 3-13 next year?  Fine, fire him.  Either 2010 or 2011 was a fluke and I’d like to find out which one before I make a coaching change.

Jason Garrett, Dallas Cowboys: The Cowboys owner has already given Jason a vote of confidence.  But guess what?  Jerry Jones is fucking crazy!  Garrett could mishandle the defensive line rotation this week and end up without a job.  I realize that this is Jerry’s football team and  by all means he can do whatever he likes with his money, but until he lets his head coach look like an authority figure to his players that coach will never be truly effective.  Just the same, Jason has made some mistakes this season but a firing here would be hasty.

Sure seems like a long time ago

Tom Coughlin, New York Giants: I think that in order for Coughlin to save his job he might have to take this Giants team to the Super Bowl.  Fast starts and late season slides have become an alarming trend.  I will blame individual seasons on the players not producing, but over a longer timeline you have to start looking elsewhere, you have to start looking at the coaching staff.  I think Tom is a good coach and will land a head coaching gig for a younger team, but this New York job just doesn’t seem right for him anymore.

Andy Reid, Philadelphia Eagles: I will have to agree with the “Fire Andy” chants.  To me the Juan Castillo defensive coordinator hiring is so bad by itself that it constitutes termination.  Andy has won a lot in the city of Philadelphia but with all the pieces in place to have a truly dominant team, how on earth do you put this high priced defense in the hands of an offensive line coach?  There will never be an answer to this question that makes sense. 

Mike Shanahan, Washington Redskins: The entire NFC East made it! Nate and I disagree about this, but I think Shanahan is still a brilliant coach.  Should he really be on this list?  I’m not sure, but he has the crazy owner factor.  Daniel Snyder likes to fire head coaches because he has the patience of an infant.  He’s always whining and crying for reasons that he can’t really articulate because he doesn’t actually know anything about football.  If Shanahan is fired two years in to this experiment it will be a mistake, but nothing really surprises me anymore.

Steve Spagnuolo, St. Louis Rams: It’s not even worth speculating whether he should or shouldn’t be, because it is such a certainty at this point.  I’ve always wanted to go to work on my last day knowing I was going to be fired before they tell me.  My advice for Steve is to poop somewhere inappropriate, or call flea flickers every single play of the season finale.  But in all seriousness, this guy is a great defensive mind and will be a coordinator somewhere.

Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis Colts: Jim Caldwell’s timeout in the wildcard round last year against the Jets was once of the worst coaching errors I have seen in all my time watching pro football.  His explanation was even worse.  This game alone is not why Caldwell should be fired, but its at least part of the evidence.  He had a chance this season to prove that Peyton Manning was not the only reason for this team’s success the last several seasons, and he fell flat on his face.  It seemed to me that Jim Caldwell was always a place holder until they found their next long term coach after Dungy, and he just blended in and stuck around too long.  It’s time to start that search.

Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers: Tom Coughlin and Norv Turner should be co-head coaches somewhere.  Tom starts fast and ends slow, while Norv has the opposite problem.  I’m not sure whether they’d go 16-0 or 0-16, but I’m willing to give the experiment a shot.  And oh yeah, fire this guy.  Please.

Rex Ryan, New York Jets: I don’t think Rex is actually on the hot seat, but I will call it a mildly warm seat.  I’m making up that term because I want to say a few disparaging things about the Jets leader.  There is a danger with coaches like Rex Ryan that rely on mind games and trash talk to constantly motivate their players.  Eventually players stop listening and it just because a bunch of ridiculous noise.  The Jets were lucky to even make it into the playoffs the last few years and then won a few road games.  This is not a recipe for success.  The team has a falsely inflated sense of confidence because of their coach’s bravado, and they haven’t done all that much to earn it.  Perhaps the biggest victim is Mark Sanchez, a guy that we expect entirely too much out of because of his head coach’s comments.  It is slowly destroying chipping away at his confidence.  Rex Ryan should not be fired, but he should think about changing his methods before it is too late.

Someone I forgot?  Someone I was too hard on?  Let me know in the comments section.

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