On Sunday afternoon, Washington Wizards point guard and Professor of “the Dougie” John Wall showed up to FedEx field to watch the Redskins take on their most hated rival, the Cowboys. This fact alone is not surprising. John is one of the more recognizable athletes in town, and pro sports megastars often check out their city’s sister teams.
What is surprising, however, is that he chose to do this wearing Cowboys gear. And, because this is 2016 and what else are people supposed to do with their time, Twitter collectively lost its shit. But perhaps the biggest news in the wake of this utter disaster for Washington sports fans, is that the strong (and admittedly weird) hand of justice that is our highly respected court might be closing in on Mr. Wall. Today he stands trial, and is charged with thirteen counts of being an unoriginal douchebag and four counts of “seriously, dude, do you have to wear that?”
The prosecuting attorney is Benjamin Van Iten. Nathan Raby heads up the defense. The judge, as always, is a creepy mannequin because that is the sort of budget we are working with here.
The jury….IS YOU!