The only way the Saints will get to the Superbowl is by poisoning Green Bay, San Fran, and Detroit’s water supply

About fifteen seconds ago, the final whistle blew on the New Orleans Saints game. A few minutes before that, I threw my bowl of nachos into my television screen. The Saints lost to the hapless, hopeless, winless (OH WAIT THEY AREN’T WINLESS ANYMORE NOW ARE THEY) St. Louis Rams. The final score was 31-21, and as a Saints fan that made me very upset. Not only did the Saints lose, but now I have to buy a new TV.

As a football fan with more emotion than logic when it comes to these things, I have attempted to rationalize the Saints’ worst loss in recent memory. They stayed in a crappy hotel room (like, all 53 guys in one room). They were replaced with clones who suck at football. The St. Louis Cardinals, who were in attendance, magically granted the Rams their powers of resiliency and overmanaging coaches.

But as I watched the end of the game, the logical side came out, and I realized something about my favorite football team. They just aren’t very good on the road. Or more fittingly, Drew Brees isn’t very good on the road.

In the Saints’ three games at home, Brees is completing three fourths of his passes, and he has 11 touchdowns compared to 2 interceptions. They are 3-0 in those games. In the 5 games away from the Superdome, Brees has thrown for 7 TDs and 6 INTs. The Saints are 2-3 in those games.

This is not the first time that the Saints have lost to a heavy underdog on the road in the past few years. Last year, they lost to the Cardinals, who at the time were led by Max Hall. I am pretty sure that when I go to Best Buy to replace my TV, Max Hall is going to be the guy selling it to me.

And we’re not going to talk about the playoff game last year. Seriously. If you say anything about Marshawn Lynch and the Seahawks, I will fill your gas tank with rabies.

Even in the two wins this year, Drew Brees and the Saints have not looked good on the road. They needed a last-minute comeback to beat the Panthers, who despite the promising play of Cam Newton are still a bunch of shit-eaters. They only beat the Jaguars because the Jaguars played worse than any team the Saints have played this year who don’t wear big stupid horseshoes on their helmets.

So how does this relate to my title? Well, there are a few teams that are ahead of the Saints in the NFC. And if the Saints have to play any of them on the road, especially in late winter, Drew Brees will probably throw 4,000 interceptions and the Saints will lose. So the only way the Saints can get back to the Superbowl is by making sure that every team with a better record in the NFC starts to lose. A lot.

Luckily for the Saints, there are only 3 road games left at the halfway mark, compared with 5 home games. Plenty of time for the Saints to get a good enough record to avoid playing in any other stadium (except Lambeau field, because the Packers won’t lose this season. I hate you, Ben).

Posted by Nate Raby


Filed under Articles, Ramblings

3 responses to “The only way the Saints will get to the Superbowl is by poisoning Green Bay, San Fran, and Detroit’s water supply

  1. Pingback: Monday Morning Jerkface: Week 8 | thefootbawlblog