[To be aired during graveyard hours of 1-4AM]
Hi, I’m Richard Karn. You might know me from Home Improvement, Family Feud, or as the guy who’s slowly turning into Kenny Rogers.
Are you struggling making ends meet? Do you dread the first of the month? Have you ever found yourself performing ungodly acts on perfect strangers just so you can keep your water running? Well don’t worry. I’m here to sell an amazing product — no, not a product — a philosophy and belief system that will change your life forever. It is created by the genius who brought you unnecessary celebration penalties, uneven punishments, replacement referees, and unenforceable concussion protocols. Today I bring to you: NFL’s Guaranteed Money Making System! Using skills and tactics made popular by the foremost sport in America, this system is guaranteed to dig you out of the financial quagmire that, let’s be honest, you probably got yourself into in the first place! Continue reading