Goff and Wentz are Gonna Be the Best QBs EVER!!!! – a Study by the Cleveland Browns and Tennessee Titans

Many football fans may be shocked that the Eagles and Rams traded a king’s ransom for the draft picks previously held by us, the Tennessee Titans and the Cleveland Browns. After all, it doesn’t seem like the two quarterbacks projected to be chosen with those picks are worth that high of a selection, much less for the amount of picks it took to move up to #1 and #2.

But fear not, loyal readers. We’ve done a study that presents indisputable evidence that Jared Goff and Carson Wentz are going to be two of the best quarterbacks that ever played the game! So at the end of the day, these trades will be seen as sensible, and not at all like we are traping two desperate teams with the promise of two quarterbacks who will bust harder than water balloons dropped by Brock Osweiler on concrete. Continue reading

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The #1 RG3 Hatin’ Blog is Back in Business!

And with the flick of his cheeto-dusted fingers, Adam Schefter has breathed new life into The Footbawl Blog. Well, the Browns and Griffin himself helped. It doesn’t matter who created this amazing situation, only that it exists. And as it stands, RG3 is going to be a Cleveland Brown.

This is amazing for several reasons:

  1. One of the most renowned rookie busts goes to one of the most renowned inept franchises.
  2. It makes the Browns’ pick at #2 even more exciting. Either they pick a non-QB and hilariously proclaim to the world “we found our guy in RG3” or they pick a QB and we get an amazing controversy at the position, which is just as hilarious.
  3. At least for a little while, people will care when RG3 has soundbites. And oh, does he have soundbites.
  4. My co-editor Ben has been diagnosed with a sloth disease previously thought to be incurable. In the past fifteen minutes, rumor has it that Ben has finally woken up, blinked a few times, and asked for his laptop and a beer. RG3 hatred may very well be his cure.
  5. The AFC North now features Flacco, Dalton, Roethlisberger, and Griffin III, which sounds like the best Ghostbusters reboot of all time.
afc north ghostbusters

This was the best five minutes I’ve ever spent.

Will this be the necessary push to free us from the doldrums of offseason? Will Robert Griffin III  make the Browns somewhat respectable? Was Chris Dorsey just a figment of our collective imaginations? Tune in next time (in like 5 months) to find out!

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Laces Out Podcast Season 3 Episode 2

So much for having two podcasts before the Super Bowl. But it’s okay, because Ben and I had Joe on to talk about the big game, annoying storylines, and which young QB we’re riding with next season. Enjoy!

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A Tale of Two Postgames

Next week, Ben and I (and possibly Joe) are going to have a podcast where we talk about the Super Bowl after the dust has settled. But for now, we’ve had half a week to think about the Super Bowl, and I think it is time to talk about press conferences.

Cam Newton behaved like most expected him to. He played with emotion, and when it didn’t go his way, he quit. He didn’t jump on a fumble because he was afraid of injury. He didn’t last too long in the press conference because he was tired of hearing Chris Harris, Jr., literally right behind him, answering happy questions about how easily they stopped Cam. He gave the legion of Newton Nukers (trademark pending) a ton of fuel in their hot take effigies of the 26 year old from Auburn.

rrgtuiq

I actually had someone tell me “it didn’t bother me that he fell on the ground. It bothered me that he rolled in bounds, which could potentially disrupt play.”

…Sure? Continue reading

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This Text is On Fire: Peyton Doesn’t Deserve Credit for Broncos Success — Or Anything, Really

Okay, let’s just say what everyone’s been thinking. This Denver Broncos team is not Manning’s team. He’s part of it, and they’ll probably give him a Super Bowl ring if they win (probably), but he’s not the driving force of their success.

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“I’m not?” (Fox Sports)

Two weeks ago, when the Broncos needed to step up and make a play to stop Tom Brady, it wasn’t Manning, who was too busy buffing out the red spot on his enormous forehead. It was the Denver defense. It was Ware and Brandon Marshall on a pass rush. It was Aqib Talib sticking his eye-poking fingers up and hitting the ball. It was Bradley Roby making the play and forgetting what the hell he was doing for a hot second.

The Denver defense drives this vehicle. Peyton’s not even riding shotgun. He’s sitting in the back with his feet against the front headrest, yelling audibles at his Nintendo 3DS. Continue reading

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